By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND"TENJOOBERRYMUDS"...In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all needto learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the followingconversation until you are able to understand the term"TENJOOBERRYMUDS".With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in. Now, heregoes...The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotelguest and call room-service somewhere in the good old USA today......Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."Room Service: " Rye. Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddorsunteen???"Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."Room Service: "Ow July den?"Guest: ".....What??"Room Service: "Ow July den ?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please."Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"Guest: "Crisp will be fine."Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"Guest: "What?"Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"Guest: "I... don't think so."RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wansahn toes' means."RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglishmoppin we bodder?"Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'...Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."RoomService: "We bodder?"Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."RoomService: "Wad?!?"Guest: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side."RoomService: "Copy?"Guest: "Excuse me?"RoomService: "Copy...tea.. meel?"Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything."RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin,we bodder on sigh and copy ... rye??"Guest: "Whatever you say."RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds."Guest: "You're welcome"Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTANDTENJOOBERRYMUDS'"
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
"According to 'Consumer Research' more people are drinking
soda for breakfast. It's become the new orange juice. Maybe
in the trailer park where Yoo-hoo is the new champagne!"
--Jay Leno
***
"A chimp gave birth at a place called Chimp Haven in
Louisiana. Why is this unusual? All the male chimps in the
facility are given vasectomies. Maybe it was an immaculate
conception. How else can you explain the three wise chimps
who showed up?" --Jimmy Kimmel
***
"The Reverend Jesse Jackson says that he will endorse Barack
Obama. Experts say that this is risky for Jackson because
not much rhymes with Obama." --Conan O'Brien
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
Frequent hand washing in my job as a medical technologist
and the harsh weather combined give me very dry skin.
One night as I prepared for bed, I rubbed my hands with
petroleum jelly and covered them with an old pair of white
gloves. As I sat in bed reading a book with my gloves on,
my husband finished showering and came into the room
wearing a towel.
Drying himself off, he went to the closet, selected a tie
and put it on. "What are you doing?" I asked.
"Well" he replied, "if you are going to be formal. So am I."
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
A friend was lecturing in Latin America. He was going to
use a translator, but to identify with his audience, he
wanted to begin his talk by saying in Spanish, "Good
evening, ladies and gentlemen." He arrived at the
auditorium a little early and realized he did not know
the Spanish words for ladies and gentlemen. Being rather
resourceful, he went to the part of the building where
the restrooms were, looked at the signs on the two doors,
and memorized those two words.
When the audience arrived and he was introduced, he stood
up and said in Spanish, "Good evening, ladies and
gentlemen."
The audience was shocked. He didn't know whether he had
offended them or perhaps they hadn't heard him or under-
stood him. So he decided to repeat it. Again in Spanish
he said, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen."
One person in the audience began to snicker. Pretty soon
the entire audience was laughing. Finally, someone told
him that he had said, "Good evening, bathrooms and broom
closets!"
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
Friends
A husband and wife were fighting over something trivial.
However, both of them adhered to their own positions without
budging an inch, and since yelling at each other wasn't
about to solve the problem, they decided they would each ask
10 friends to come, and they would ask the 20 people to act
as a jury.
The husband got 10 of his best friends to come right away.
Meanwhile, the wife got all 10 of his friends' wives.
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
Sex Education
Coming through the door after school one day, Little Vernie hollers out... "Okay everyone in the house, please stand advised that I, Little Vernie, have on this date made a complete fool of myself in sex-education class by repeating stories concerning storks as told to me by certain parties residing in this house!"
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
Stop Following Me!
A man was walking home alone one night when he heard a "BUMP....BUMP....BUMP..." behind him. Walking faster, he looked back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him...."BUMP...BUMP...BUMP..." The man began to run toward his home, and the coffin bounced after him faster....faster...BUMP BUMP BUMP! He ran up to his door, fumbled with his keys, opened the door, rushed in, and locked it behind him. The coffin crashed through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping BUMP...BUMP...BUMP... on the heels of the terrified man. The man rushed upstairs to the bathroom and locked himself in, heart pounding. With a CRASH, the coffin broke down the door, coming slowly toward him. The man while screaming, reached for something, anything....all he can find was a box of cough drops which he hurled at the coffin. ... and suddenly "the coffin stops!"
><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><
How to look busy
Generally, this will not be a concern until you are promoted to an executive position. But once you've created the illusion that you serve even the slightest purpose at your place of "business," there's no telling how far you'll go. In the real working world, productivity is all a matter of appearances. Appearance: You are furiously taking notes while conducting an important telephone marketing survey. Reality: You are pretending to take notes while talking to your friend who has called collect from Bulgaria. ==== Appearance: You are on the phone with a client in New York and you have said, "Yes sirree! That stock is about to shoot through the roof, now's a great time to buy, I tell ya!" Reality: You are on the phone with a friend in Guam and you have said, "Yeah, this job is terrible, and my boss is such a pushy whining... Yes sirree! That stock is about to shoot through the roof, now's a great time to buy, I tell ya!" ==== Appearance: You are at your computer writing a serious business memorandum to your department supervisior. Reality: You are at your computer telling dead-baby jokes to your e-mail correspondent in Namibia. ==== Appearance: You are urgently plugging numbers into a complicated spreadsheet. Reality: You are playing Tetris. ==== Appearance: You are tapping away on calculator keys, helping out the accounting department. Reality: You are paying your electric bill. ==== Appearance: You are reading the DOS manual. Reality: You are reading the TV guide you placed in the DOS manual. ==== Appearance: You are staring at an empty computer screen, absorbed in deep thought. Reality: You have pressed "Escape" just in time, erasing a MacDraw portrait entitled "Supervisor with Pitchfork Wound Clinging to a Cliff"