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The Good of a Bad Relationship
Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds."
"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.
"Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first!"
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Big Sale
It was the day of the big sale. Rumours of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colourful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line...
"That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"
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Sales Competition
The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'Best Deals'.
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'Lowest Prices'.
The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop - it read... 'Main entrance'.
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Phone Numbers
As a high school football coach, I know that student athletes tend to focus too much on sports. Bob, a fellow coach, was talking about one such player, who called him at home one night.
When his wife informed the kid that Bob wasn't home, he became frantic and said he had to speak to the coach right away.
"Just calm down, and I'll have him call you as soon as he gets home," the coach's wife told him. "What's your number?"
The flustered kid replied, "Thirty-Three."
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Folks from
Forget Rednecks, here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from
If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas
If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas
If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Texas
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Texas
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Texas
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybodys passing you, you may live in Texas
If you find 60 degrees 'a little chilly', you may live in Texas
If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your Texas friends & others, you definitely live in Texas
Need a vacation? Here is a list of actual places to travel to in
Need to be cheered up?
Comfort, Texas 78013
Friendship, Texas 76530
Grandview, Texas 76050
Happy, Texas 79042
Pep, Texas 79353
Paradise, Texas 76073
Rainbow, Texas 76077
Smiley, Texas 78159
Splendora, Texas 77372
Sweet Home, Texas 77987
Love the Sun?
Sundown,
Sunny
Sunset,
Want something to eat?
Bacon , Texas 76301
Noodle , Texas 79536
Oatmeal , Texas 78605
Turkey , Texas 79261
Trout , Texas 75789
Sugar Land , Texas 77479
Salty, Texas 76567
Rice , Texas 75155
And top it off with:
Sweetwater , Texas 79556
Why travel to other cities?
Detroit , Texas 75436
Colorado City , Texas 79512
Denver City , Texas 79323
Nevada , Texas 75173
Memphis , Texas 79245
Miami , Texas 79059
Boston , Texas 75570
Santa Fe , Texas 77517
Tennessee Colony , Texas 75861
Reno, Texas 75462
Feel like traveling outside the country? Don't bother buying a plane ticket!
Athens , Texas 75751
Canadian, Texas 79014
China, Texas 77613
Egypt, Texas 77436
Turkey , Texas 79261
London, Texas 76854
New London, Texas 75682
Paris, Texas 75460
Moscow, Texas 77351
No need to travel to Washington D.C.
We even have a city named after our planet!
Men are from Mars, woman are from
Speaking of the outer spaces!
Rising
And lets not forget the down to earth!
Humble,
And a city named after our State!
Exhausted?
Cold?
Winters,
Like to read about History?
Alamo ,
Gun Barrel City
Need Office Supplies?
Staples,
You guessed it... it's on the state line..
For the kids...
Other city names in
Frognot, Texas 75424
Bigfoot, Texas 78005
Clyde, Texas
Duster, Texas
Hogeye, Texas 75423
Cactus, Texas 79013
Notrees, Texas 79759
Best, Texas 76932
Veribest, Texas 76886
Kerens, Texas 75144
Kickapoo, Texas 75763
Dime Box, Texas
Telephone, Texas 75488
Telegraph, Texas 76883
Whiteface, Texas 79379
Twitty, Texas 79079
The Anti-Al Gore City
Kilgore , Texas 75662 Love this one.
P.S. Whoops, left out
Muleshoe
Cut'n shoot,
Hoot And Holler,
Ding Dong, and don't forget......
Farewell,
And, of course, there is a place in