My sister was bemoaning the fact that she had procrastinated
cleaning and organizing her house for a long time. Since she
was planning to entertain, she felt a lot of pressure to get
moving. That afternoon she phoned, sounding glum.
"I went to the bookstore," she explained, "and I bought a
book on how to get organized. I was all fired up, and I
decided to clean out all the shelves in the living room.
While I was cleaning, I found the same darn book. I had
bought it a couple of years ago!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dissatisfaction Guaranteed
by Robert Byron
My wife and I were shopping in the furniture department of a local discount
store. The "department" consisted of two aisles dedicated to such items as
bookshelves, lamps, computer desks, end tables and various other relatively
small furniture items. Needless to say, one need not worry about getting
lost while looking at furniture in this particular store. We found a
bookshelf that we were interested in purchasing but we couldn't find a
price. At the end of the aisle was a "courtesy phone" for inquiring about
such things, so my wife picked up the phone and told the person on the other
end that she wanted to know the price of the bookshelf.
The customer service person responded, "I'll send some one out to check the
price on that item. Where is it located?"
"Common sense, I would think, should have told this person that the
bookshelf would be in the furniture section but my wife politely responded
with, "It's in the furniture department."
"Where in the furniture department is it?"
My wife looked around just to make sure she hadn't been mistaken as to the
size of the department and confirmed to herself that the furniture
department took up less than one percent of the total floor space of the
store. It's under the big orange sign that says 'Furniture Department.' You
can't miss it."
"Someone will be there in a few minutes."
After waiting for fifteen minutes without having an employee come to our
aid, my wife called back. "I called a while ago for a price check on a
bookshelf and I'm still waiting for help."
"Yes ma'am. I sent someone and they said they couldn't find you."
"Did they go to the furniture department?"
"I'm not sure. Let me check." After a short pause, the customer service
person said, " Where in the furniture department are you?"
"I'm under the big orange sign that says 'Furniture Department.'"
"Okay. Someone will be right there."
After waiting for another ten minutes, we gave up a decided to look for a
shower curtain for our bathroom. My wife wanted a burgundy colored curtain
but the curtains that were labeled burgundy were more of a sick looking rust
color. "This is obviously labeled wrong," my wife said. "I saw this same
brand in their store across town and the ones labeled burgundy weren't rust
colored." We started looking through the shower curtains but burgundy was
not to be found.
"Maybe they have some in the back," I said.
"My wife found a nearby courtesy phone and called for assistance. "I'm
looking for a burgundy shower curtain and don't see any on the shelf. Could
you have someone check the stock in the back to see if you have one?"
"Are you the lady who called about the bookshelf?"
"Yes I am."
"Did anyone help you with that?"
At this point my wife is thinking that there was a punchline coming. Perhaps
the customer service person was about to tell her that she won't get help
with this either. "No. Nobody ever came to help us."
"I'm very sorry about that ma'am. Are you still in the furniture
department?"
"No. I'm in the 'Bed and Bath' section under a big green sign that says,
'Bed and Bath.' I need help with a shower curtain."
"Do you still need a price check on the bookshelf?"
"No. I want to see if you have any burgundy shower curtains in stock."
"I'll send someone to you right now."
After about five minutes or so, we caught sight of a store employee
wandering around doing absolutely nothing. "Excuse me, my wife asked. "Could
you help us with something?"
"Are you the one who called about the bookshelf?"
"Yes but we aren't interested in that anymore. We want to know if you have
any burgundy shower curtains in stock."
"Did you look on the shelf?"
We could not believe what this person had just said and I replied, "Look on
the shelf? What a novel idea! Of course we looked on the shelf."
The employee began rummaging through the shower curtains. "Here's one," he
exclaimed.
"That's not burgundy. It's rust colored."
"No it's burgundy. See, it says so right on the package."
"I see what the package says but that is not burgundy. Can you look in the
back and see if you have any more?"
"But this is burgundy."
"That is not burgundy. Is there someone else who can help us?"
The employee picked up the courtesy phone and explained to his supervisor
that he needed some assistance. A few moments later, the supervisor arrived
and we explained the situation.
"I completely understand what you are saying," the supervisor told us.
"However, these shower curtains are part of our new line and they might be
labeled differently from ones we have had in the past. I'm sure that this is
what the manufacturer is calling burgundy even though it appears to be rust
color."
My wife asked, "If you were looking for a burgundy shower curtain, would you
buy this one because it is labeled as burgundy?"
"Probably not," laughed the supervisor. "I see your point."
"Do you think it might be remotely possible that this curtain was mislabeled
and that you might have an actual burgundy colored curtain somewhere in the
back?"
"I don't think so but we'll be glad to check for you."
The supervisor sent her employee to the stock room to check. A few moments
later he returned with a handful of correctly labeled burgundy shower
curtains. We expressed to the supervisor our displeasure in having wasted
our time waiting for the item. "If someone had checked to begin with, like
we asked, we would already have made our purchase and been on our way."
The supervisor apologized and agreed that someone should have checked the
stock as soon as we had asked. With the ordeal of the shower curtain over,
we began to make our way to the checkout counter.
We passed by a shelf of movies and one of them caught my eye. "Look at
this," I told my wife. "Here's that movie I've been looking for!"
"Why don't you get it?"
I picked up the movie and examined it. "I don't see a price on it."
We looked at each other for a moment. Without either of us having said a
word, I placed the movie back on the shelf and we went home.
© Copyright 2006 Robert Byron
All Rights Reserved
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
"The bird flu movie, here's what it is, the bird flu is coming, and
government officials are slow to react to the coming disaster. Where do they
get this stuff?" - David Letterman
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to TF: Hot air
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.
She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat
below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help
me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago,
but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied,
"You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet
above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level.
You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and
100 degrees, 49. 09 minutes west longitude."
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a
Republican."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told
me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to
make of your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly,
you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a
Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or
where you're going. You've risen to where you are due
to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise
that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect ME
to solve your problem. And you're in EXACTLY the same
position you were in before we met, but somehow now
it's MY fault!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's give the Last Laugh to JLH today for all of the
following... Are we getting old???????
LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to
report that her car has been broken into. She is
hysterical as she explains her situation to the
dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering
wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she
cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is
on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios
in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back seat by
mistake."
_______________________________________
FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house
together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She
puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other
sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The
94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up
and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I
going up the stairs or down?"
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having
tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and
says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock
on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both
of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
_______________________________________
"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing
golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other,
"Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied,
"it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am
I. Let's have a drink."
_______________________________________
OLD FRIENDS Now this one is just too Precious...lol
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years, they had shared all kinds of
activities and adventures. Lately, their activities
had been limited to meeting a few times a week! to
play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one
looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me
... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I
just can't think of your name! I've thought and
thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what
your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least
three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
_______________________________________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his
car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice
urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the
news that there's a car going the wrong way on
Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Heck," said
Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of
them!"
______________________________________
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-
both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were
cruising along, they came to an intersection. The
stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must
be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through
a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to
another intersection and the light was red again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the
passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been
red but was really concerned that she was losing it.
She was getting nervous. At the next intersection,
sure enough, the light was red and they went on
through. So, she turned to the other woman and said,
"Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three
red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!