hUMOR For Feb 17th

Big White Circles

Before going on vacation, I went to a tanning salon. I was under the
lights a bit long and the protective shades I wore left a big white
circle around each eye.

Gazing at myself in the mirror the next day, I thought, "Man, I look
like a clown."

I had almost convinced myself that I was overreacting until I got in
line at the grocery store. I felt a tug and looked down to see a
toddler staring up at me. He asked, "Are you giving out balloons?"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Message Break"
A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone.
"I went to get a haircut," was the reply.
"But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?"
"Because," the gentleman said, "I didn't need one then."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CleanQuote
"The best time to make friends is before you need them."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Dying"
The Sunday School teacher was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?"
Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one
requirement was a demanding 12-mile march. We got started at
6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.

An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we
wondered if the end would ever come. "Men," our sergeant
yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've already covered four
miles!"

Revitalized, we picked up the pace. "And," continued Sarge,
"we should reach the starting point any minute now."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Buy Me a Mink?

Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question.
"Will you marry me, darling?" he asked.

Lisa smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you'll buy me a mink."

Kurt thought for a moment and then replied, "Okay, it's a deal, on
one condition."

"What is that?" Lisa asked.

"You'll have to clean the cage," Kurt replied.

hUMOR For Feb 17th

Big White Circles

Before going on vacation, I went to a tanning salon. I was under the
lights a bit long and the protective shades I wore left a big white
circle around each eye.

Gazing at myself in the mirror the next day, I thought, "Man, I look
like a clown."

I had almost convinced myself that I was overreacting until I got in
line at the grocery store. I felt a tug and looked down to see a
toddler staring up at me. He asked, "Are you giving out balloons?"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Message Break"
A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone.
"I went to get a haircut," was the reply.
"But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?"
"Because," the gentleman said, "I didn't need one then."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CleanQuote
"The best time to make friends is before you need them."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Dying"
The Sunday School teacher was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?"
Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one
requirement was a demanding 12-mile march. We got started at
6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.

An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we
wondered if the end would ever come. "Men," our sergeant
yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've already covered four
miles!"

Revitalized, we picked up the pace. "And," continued Sarge,
"we should reach the starting point any minute now."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Buy Me a Mink?

Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question.
"Will you marry me, darling?" he asked.

Lisa smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you'll buy me a mink."

Kurt thought for a moment and then replied, "Okay, it's a deal, on
one condition."

"What is that?" Lisa asked.

"You'll have to clean the cage," Kurt replied.