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Sam's Fishing
A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught
more fish than anyone else. Whereas the other guys would only catch three
or four fish a day, Sam would come in from the lake with a boat full of
fish. Stringer after stringer was packed with freshly caught trout. The
warden, curious, asked Sam his secret. The successful fisherman invited
the game warden to accompany him and observe.
So the next morning, the two met at the dock and took off in Sam's
boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and
the warden sat back to see how it was done.
Sam's approach was simple: He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and
threw it into the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force
that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and
started scooping them up.
Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered
from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam, "You can't do
this! I'll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is
in the book!"
Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick of
dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game warden with these
words: "Are you going to sit there all day complaining, or are you going to
fish?"
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Tired of the inconvenience of driving from the airport to
his country cottage, a man equipped his small plane with pontoons so he could land on the lake directly in front of his cottage. On his next trip however, he made his approach down the airport runway as usual.
Alarmed, his wife cried out, "Are you crazy? You can't land this plane here without wheels!" The startled husband yanked the nose up, narrowly averting certain disaster.
Continuing home, he landed the plane on the lake without mishap. As he sat there, visibly shaken, he said to his wife, "I don't know what on earth got into me. That's the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life!"
And with that, he opened the door and stepped out ... right into the water.
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Thanks to (I forgot!!!) -- A Little Gender Bashing
An Elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth
anniversary. The couple had married as childhood
sweethearts and had moved back to their old
neighborhood after they retired.
Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It
was not locked, so they entered, and found the old
desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you,
Sally."
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an
armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally
quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it,
they took it home. There, she counted the money--fifty-thousand dollars.
Andy said, "We've got to give it back."
Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back
in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the
neighborhood looking for the money, and knock on the
door.
"Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell
out of an armored car yesterday?"
Sally said, "No."
Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."
Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One
says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."
Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home
from school yesterday . . . "
The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says,
"We're outta here."
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The Good Samaritan (kid size)
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the
story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was
beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the
situation in vivid detail so her students would catch
the drama. Then, she asked the class, "If you saw a
person lying on the roadside, all wounded and
bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little
girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."
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A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices
that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station.
While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she
locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to
pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she
can attempt to open the door herself.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten
minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the
blonde is faring. Outside the car, the blonde is
moving the hanger around and around while the blonde
inside the car is saying, "A little more to the
left...a little more to the right!..."