Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Today's hUMOR

"Morning Run"
The drill sergeant, making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Johnson will be setting the pace on our morning run."
With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Johnson was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Johnson will be driving a truck."
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Two Keys Hang
Two keys hang in an undertaker's office - one for the organ in the chapel; the other for one of the cars in the garage.
Two small signs above the keys read "Hymn" and "Hearse."
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One Liner
Why should I learn algebra? I have no intention of ever going there.
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CleanQuote
"Worry is the darkroom in which negatives are developed."
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Today's Illustration - "Psalm 23 Summary"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
A Sunday school teacher asked her class if anyone could quote the entire 23rd Psalm.
A golden-haired, four-and-a-half-year-old girl was among those who raised their hands. A bit skeptical, the teacher asked if she could really quote the entire psalm. The little girl came to the front of the room, faced the class, made a perky little bow, and said, "The Lord is my shepherd, that's all I want."
She bowed again and went and sat down.
That may well be the greatest interpretation of the 23rd Psalm ever heard.
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