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Please note that there is nowhere any indication the caller was blonde!!!!
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?" Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer." Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anthing about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. He was dying with laughter. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.
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What Were Those Things?As a computer technician, I had just finished a big push, and finally had a little slack time. So I decided to catch up on a small but long-overdue task: copying archived files from some old floppy disks to CD's.There were several dozen 5-1/4-inch disks piled up on my desk. I was busily working my way through these when the new, young IT student came up to me and put some object right down in the middle of my desk."Guess what this is?" the student asked.I like interesting gadgets so I picked it up to look at it. It's a heavy 4-inch cube, apparently made of solid metal, with a large rod sticking out one side."I don't know," I said. "Tell me.""It's a neodymium magnet. The world's most powerful magnet," student said. "It uses rare metals. Look, you can actually switch it on and off just by moving the rod, which combines the metals."Before I could say anything, the student moved the switch. The magnet stuck tight to the metal surface of the desk, which the student demonstrated by trying to pull it off the desk with both hands.He finally got it loose. But by then I'm staring in horror. The monitor on my desk has turned all the colors of the rainbow due to him waving this big magnet about. I shouted at him to take it away from me!But it was too late. Most of the old floppies were wiped or badly corrupted.The student had never seen 5-1/4-inch floppies before, so he didn't realize what they were. It took me a month to recover as much as possible with a disk editor.I did have a laugh, though. The magnet had also wiped all of the magnetic strips on the student's credit cards.
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Thanks to Kittyspann:"It is impossible to rightly govern the world withoutGod and the Bible." - George Washington (NOTE: Butwhat does he know, right? After all, he never watchedCNN... ts)
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From StanKegel: Politically Correct 3 Little PigsOnce there were 3 little pigs who lived together inmutual respect and in harmony with their environment.Using materials that were indigenous to the area theyeach built a beautiful house. One pig built a house ofstraw, one a house of sticks, and one a house of dung,clay and creeper vines shaped into bricks and baked ina small kiln.When they were finished, the pigs were satisfied withtheir work and settled back to live in peace andself-determination.But their idyll was soon shattered.One day, along came a big, bad wolf with expansionistideas. He saw the pigs and grew very hungry in both aphysical and ideological sense.When the pigs saw the wolf, they ran into the houseof straw.The wolf ran up to the house and banged on the door,shouting, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"The pigs shouted back, "Your gunboat tactics hold nofear for pigs defending their homes and culture."But the wolf wasn't to be denied what he thought washis manifest destiny. So he huffed and puffed and blewdown the house of straw.The frightened pigs ran to the house of sticks, withthe wolf in hot pursuit.Where the house had stood, other wolves bought up theland and started a banana plantation.At the house of sticks, the wolf again banged on thedoor and shouted, "Little, pigs, little pigs, let mein!"The pigs shouted back, "Go away, you carnivorous,imperialistic oppressor!"At this the wolf huffed and puffed and blew down thehouse of sticks.The pigs ran to the house of bricks, with the wolfclose at their heels.Where the house of sticks had stood, other wolvesbuilt a time- share condo resort complex forvacationing wolves, with each unit a fiberglassreconstruction of the house of sticks, as well asnative curio shops, snorkeling and dolphin shows.At the house of bricks, the wolf again banged on thedoor and shouted, "Little pigs, little pigs, let mein!"This time in response, the pigs sang songs ofsolidarity and wrote letters of protest to the UnitedNations.By now the wolf was getting angry at the pigs'refusal to see the situation from the carnivore'spoint of view.So he huffed and puffed, and huffed and puffed, thengrabbed his chest and fell over dead from a massiveheart attack brought on from eating too many fattyfoods.The three little pigs rejoiced that justice hadtriumphed and did a little dance around the corpse ofthe wolf.Their next step was to liberate their homeland.They gathered together a band of other pigs who hadbeen forced off their lands.This new brigade of porcinistas attacked the resortcomplex with machine-guns and rocket launchers andslaughtered the cruel wolf oppressors, sending a clearsignal to the rest of the hemisphere not to meddle intheir internal affairs.Then the pigs set up a model socialist democracy withfree education, universal health care and affordablehousing for everyone.Please note: The wolf in this story was ametaphorical construct. No actual wolves were harmedin the writing of the story.
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The Company Car
The Company Car...
1. It accelerates at a phenominal rate.
2. It has a much shorter braking distance than the private car.
3. It can take speed humps at twice the speed of private cars.
4. The battery , radiator water, oil and tires never have to be checked.
5. The floor is cunningly designed to double as an ashtray.
6. It does not need to be kept under shelter at night.
7. It can be driven up to 60 miles with the oil warning light flashing.
8. It needs cleaning less often than private cars.
9. The suspension is reinforced to allow for the weekend loads of bricks, concrete slabs and other building material.
10. Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by turning up the radio.
11. It needs no security system and may be left anywhere, unlocked and with the keys in the ignition.
12. It is the only type of car able to leave the road in game reserves and chase after animals in the bush for a closer look.
13. It is especially sand and waterproof for barbeques and fishing expeditions on remote beaches.
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Here is today's CleanQuote.
"For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday." - Senator John Glenn
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Here is today's Illustration. - Fear
Our three-year-old daughter, Jenna, was having trouble sleeping through the night, waking up because she was afraid. Each time as I re-tucked her into bed, I would remind her that Jesus was with her and he would keep her safe.
The sleepless nights continued, with Abby seeking comfort in our bedroom. Finally, one night, I asked her if she had prayed for Jesus to take her fear away and help her fall asleep.
"Oh, yes," she assured me. "He told me to come and get you."