Monday, April 28, 2008

hUMOR For April 28th

Weird News

Neighbor shoots rooster

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in St. Petersburg, Fla., said a man shot a neighbor's rooster after he'd had his fill of the bird's crowing.

Some neighbors who heard several shots coming from outside their homes Saturday said they looked out their windows to see Eric Nicastro, 30, standing with a handgun over the body of the dead rooster, The St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported.

"I got him!" Nicastro allegedly said after shooting the bird.

The rooster belonged to a flock of chickens that roosted at neighbor James Dominic's house and were cared for by Britani Farley, 16.

"I broke down in tears," Farley said. "They're my pets."

Jim Bordner, a spokesman for the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office, said Nicastro threw the rooster's carcass into a nearby creek. Bordner said the state's attorney will decide on formal charges.

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Man accuses new wife of assault

CINCINNATI (UPI) -- A husband of five days appeared in a Cincinnati court and told the judge he fears for his life after his blushing bride allegedly beat him up.

Timothy Schaffer Jr. told the court after Crystal Whitaker, 25, was arrested Saturday that he fears his wife "very much," The Cincinnati Enquirer reported.

Whitaker is accused of striking Schaffer and threatening to kill him. She has been charged with domestic violence.

Schaffer said he has also been threatened by his wife's friends. He said Whitaker had applied for a passport and was planning a trip to Mexico.

Whitaker was jailed in lieu of $5,000 bond and ordered to steer clear of Schaffer.

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Graffiti artist pulls off CCTV stunt

LONDON (UPI) -- A London graffiti artist known only as Banksy managed to avoid detection as he created a large painting while being watched by CCTV, police said.

The painting -- created on a piece of scaffolding Banksy apparently erected behind a security fence above a central London post office -- depicted a security officer watching a young boy, with the caption, "One nation under CCTV," The Daily Mail reported.

"It was only on Sunday morning that the Post Offices guys realized what had happened," said a local businessman, Andrew Newman, 35.

The newspaper said the painted scaffolding was removed Sunday morning.

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Heart Attack Special

One of the posh hotels in Las Vegas employs my sister-in-law as a room-service attendant.

During a medical convention at the hotel, she was preparing a breakfast order that consisted of fried eggs, bacon, ham, hash browns and a cheese danish.

"Now that's a heart attack waiting to happen," commented a passing co-worker.

"Yeah," my sister-in-law replied. "And believe it or not, it's just what the doctor ordered!"

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"Air Boss"

Activated from the Army Reserves for a joint service Arctic exercise, I was assigned to the air reconnaissance section.

Although I had recently been promoted, I was feeling rusty, and wanted to get started learning my duties so as not to appear too "green."

I confided to the Air Force lieutenant colonel who greeted me that I was anxious to meet the Air Boss right away.

"Don't worry, son," he said reassuringly, "the Air Boss is a real professional, knows his stuff cold and works well with his people. Great guy."

"Terrific!" I replied. "What's his name?"

Looking through the roster, the welcoming officer replied, "O'Hara."

"Oh, no," I groaned. "That's me."

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CleanQuote

"Through the years I've noticed that conscience gets a lot of credit that really belongs to cold feet."

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Illustration - "Marriage Teachings"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

At the banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

"Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"

Tom responded, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."

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Lost Wallet

While shopping in a supermarket I heard the following over the PA system:

"A wallet containing a large sum of money was found, but it contains
no ID. Will those laying claim to it please form a double line at the
customer service counter?"

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Weird News

Teen inflates 213 balloons with his nose

BLAINE, Wash. (UPI) -- A 13-year-old Blaine, Wash., boy said he believes he has set a world record by inflating 213 balloons with his nose in the space of an hour.

Andrew Dahl, who credited playing the trumpet with giving him his lung strength, said Guinness World Records refused to certify his videotaped previous attempt at the feat, 184 balloons in an hour, because he did not tie the balloons himself, The Bellingham (Wash.) Herald reported Tuesday.

However, Dahl said this time he did all of his own tying, and the attempt was captured by multiple video cameras and witnessed by numerous friends and family. The teenager said he expects to hear back from Guinness within a few weeks regarding whether his latest attempt qualifies for the Book of World Records.

Dahl's father, Doug, said he measured each balloon after it was inflated to ensure it met the minimum diameter, 20 centimeters (about 7.9 inches) and the boy's mother, Wendy, kept a running tally of Andrew's nose-inflated balloons during the event.

The teen said he has been inflating balloons with his nose since he was 7-years-old.

"When we had barbecues or get-togethers I'd do it just to show that I could," he said.

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Company impressed with proposal hack

SEATTLE (UPI) -- Officials with a Seattle video game company said they were delighted rather than irked to hear of a man who reprogrammed their game for a wedding proposal.

Bernie Peng, of Jersey City, N.J., said he spent one month reprogramming his girlfriend's favorite game, "Bejeweled," to display a wedding ring and a marriage proposal when she achieved a high enough score, the (Newark) New Jersey Star-Ledger reported Tuesday. His girlfriend, Tammy Li, reached the high score and subsequently accepted the proposal.

Officials with PopCap, the company that created the game, said they usually take issue with their games being reprogrammed, but they were so impressed by Peng's story that they offered to pay for part of his wedding and offered to supply free copies of "Bejeweled 2 Deluxe" to guests at the August wedding.

"Most video game companies would frown on people manipulating their games," said PopCap spokesman Garth Chouteau.

"But it won him a woman," Chouteau said. "As a bunch of geeks we have to say, 'Bernie, hats off to you.'"

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Police billed after sign hit during chase

FLINT, Mich. (UPI) -- Police in Flint, Mich., said two officers were billed a total $170.62 by the county for damaging a sign during a car chase.

The Genesee County Road Commission billed Officers Joseph Hall and Clarence Banks $56.87 each after a guardrail and "signal ahead" sign were run over by the officers while pursing a stolen vehicle last November, WNEM-TV in Flint reported Tuesday.

Keith Speer, president of the Flint Police Officers Association, said the billing was unprecedented during his 22 years with the organization.

"I don't know who's going to pay for it, but our officers are not going to pay for it," Speer said. "It's ridiculous."

The suspect who allegedly drove the stolen car has also been billed $56.87 for the damaged property.

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A Child's Prayer

A Sunday school teacher asked her pupils, "Now, children, do

you all say your prayers at night?"

A little boy answered, "My mommy says my prayers."

"I see," said the teacher. "And what does your mother say?"

The little boy replied, "THANK GOD HE'S IN BED!"