HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
(written by kids)
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep
the chips and dip coming. (I knew that was a male before I got to the name!)
-- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to
marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who
you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by
then.
-- Camille, age 10
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at
the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know
each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long
enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually
gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers
and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, Age 8
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with
that.
Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry
them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone
to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck
hit her.
-- Ricky, age 10
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Car Privileges
The mother and father had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party. The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30 AM the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?" "Not too late, Dad." she replied nervously. Dead-panned, her father said, "Then, my precious one, I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."
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Tidy Housekeeper?
The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn't bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed: "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it."
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Piranha
While my third-grade class was completing a writing exercise, one of the students asked me how to spell "piranha." I told him I was unsure. To my delight, he went to the dictionary to solve his problem. That's when I overheard another pupil say to him, "Why bother to look it up? She doesn't know how to spell it anyway."
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For The Kids...
"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?" "One dollar." answered little Johnny "You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed. Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."
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The pastor stood before the congregation and said "I have bad news, I have
good news, and I have more bad news."
The congregation got quiet.
"The bad news is: the church needs a new roof!" the pastor said.
The congregation groaned.
"The good news is: we have enough money for the new roof."
A sigh of relief was heard rippling through the gathered group.
"The bad new is: it's still in your pockets"
+++++++++++++++++++
There was a parish that had a notorious reputation for spitting out their
pastors. Every three years, the council would review their satisfaction with
the current pastor, and invariably ask for his or her resignation. Pastor
Smith was on pins and needles as the council meeting marking his third
anniversary drew near. He knew the Church's anti-clerical tradition, and he
began to prepare for the worst. He was in consultation with his bishop over
other call possibilities, should he have to make a change. He even
contemplated leaving the pastorate.
The night of that dreaded council meeting, the lay president said,"Well,
Pastor Smith, as you probably know, we have to ask you to step outside,
while we discuss some concerns among ourselves." With his heart palpitating,
Pastor Smith waited for what seemed like forever.
Finally, the president invited him back in and to have a seat. "Pastor
Smith, we've reviewed the past three years, and the council has unanimously
voted to renew your term as our pastor."
"That's wonderful!" cried a relieved Pastor Smith. "But tell me, that' a
first here for many, many years. How did you come about to that decision?"
"Well," replied the lay president, "if it were up to us, we wouldn't have
pastors at all. But as long as the Church says we have to have one, we
figured you're the closest thing we'll ever get to not having a pastor."
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"If houseplants ever take over the world, I'm probably going to be sitting
in shackles at their version of the Nuremberg trials." - Tim H. Richweis