The owner of a small deli was being questioned by the IRS
about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of
$80,000 for the year.
"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said.
"I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, and the
place is closed only three days a year. And you want to know
how I made $80,000?"
"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said.
"It's these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for
you and your wife."
"Oh, that," the owner said, smiling. "I forgot to tell you -
we also deliver."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Non-Plumber's Helper
Because I couldn't unplug the toilet with a plunger, I had to
dismantle the entire fixture, no small feat for a
non-plumber. Jammed inside the drain was a purple rubber dinosaur,
which belonged to my five-year-old son. I painstakingly got all the
toilet parts together again, the tank filled, and I flushed it.
However, it didn't work much better than before! As I pondered what
to do next, my son walked into the bathroom. I pointed to the purple
dinosaur I had just dislodged and told him that the toilet still
wasn't working. "Did you get the green one, too?" he asked.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to TF (who, by the way, though new as a
provider of material for DH, is sending some great
stuff -- you'll see his initials a lot in the coming
weeks, Lord willing) --
You Know You're From North Carolina IF
You've gotten used to the smell of cow manure on a car
trip to Raleigh.
Saying "y'all" isn't just a cute _expression; it
actually means something.
There are big labrador retrievers in the back of every
truck.
You give directions using KFC and Waffle House as
landmarks.
You still see Dale Earndheart tributes on cars.
You can't imagine life without Bojangles' sweet tea
Your annual church fundraiser always deals with bbq
and potato salad
You have a sunburn from May to October
Your 'heavy winter clothing' consists of some
turtleneck sweaters, a fuzzy jacket, and your daddy's
boots
Your family has fried chicken once a week
You can tell the difference between cotton fields and
tobacco fields while driving
One of your neighbors has a confederate flag hanging
on their front porch
Those "damn yankees" are taking over your
school/church/workplace/neighborhood...
You've been "properly raised", and yankees love it
when they hear you say "ma'am" and "sir"
You get your carbs from biscuits, rolls, pancakes, and
grits
You know the difference between a "redneck" and a
"hick".
You own at least one surf shop or seafood restaurant
shirts.
No matter what those people in ohio say, we are still
"first in flight"
The Coca-Cola 600 is as big as the Super Bowl
You prefer Chick-fil-a to KFC
You know pastry is a chicken stew, not a dessert item.
Every time you visit someone you?re offered something
to eat and a glass of tea.
Your granddaddy always wore overalls and your grandma
always wore an apron.
In summer you have home-grown tomatoes with every
meal.
When it rains and the creek rises, everyone gathers to
see how high it rose.
You know that "chunk" the ball means to throw it.
You've had a burger "all the way" - chili and slaw on
it.
You can recognize a copperhead and your heart drops
when you see one.
You have at least one relative that raises collards.
Your folks have taken trips to the mountains to look
at leaves.
Your school classes were cancelled because of a
hurricane.
You know Krispy Kreme makes the best doughnut.
You have an opinion about UNC. You went there and
loved it, or you hate everyone who did.
You know the best BBQ is found in Lexington
You would rather eat at Bojangles's than McDonald's
You have actually uttered the phrase "It's too hot to
go to the pool"
You faithfully drink Pepsi or Mt. Dew everyday of your
life.
You have your own secret bbq sauce.
You or your neighbors have more hunting dogs than you
have family members.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other
friends from North Carolina.