Saturday, April 07, 2007

hUMOR For April 7th

A Great School Lesson...................

In September of 2005, a social studies school teacher from Arkansas did something not to be forgotten. On the first day of school, with permission of the school superintendent, the principal, and the building supervisor, she took all of the desks out of the classroom.
The kids came into first period, they walked in; there were no desks. They obviously looked around and said, "Where's our desks?"
The teacher said, "You can't have a desk until you tell me how you earn them."
They thought, "Well, maybe it's our grades."
"No," she said.
"Maybe it's our behavior."
And she told them, "No, it's not even your behavior."
And so they came and went in the first period, still no desks in the classroom. Second period, same thing. Third period. By early afternoon television news crews had gathered in the class to find out about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of the classroom. The last period of the day, the instructor gathered her class.
They were at this time sitting on the floor around the sides of the room.
She said, "Throughout the day no one has really understood how you earn the desks that sit in this classroom ordinarily. Now I'm going to tell you."
She went over to the door of her classroom and opened it, and as she did 27 U.S. veterans, wearing their uniforms, walked into that classroom, each one carrying a school desk. And they placed those school desks in rows, and then they stood along the wall. By the time they had finished placing the desks, those kids for the first time I think perhaps in their lives understood how they earned those desks.
Their teacher said, "You don't have to earn those desks. These guys did it for you. They put them out there for you, but it's up to you to sit here responsibly, to learn, to be good students and good citizens, because they paid a price for you to have that desk, and don't ever forget it."
Tired Son"
A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.
"You look tired, my son," said the cleric. "Why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand."
"No thanks," said the young man. "My father wouldn't approve."
"Don't be silly," the minister said. "Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water."
Again the young man protested that his father would be upset.
Losing his patience just a little, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!"
"Well," replied the young farmer, "you can tell him whatever you like just as soon as I get this hay off him."
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CleanQuote
"Let us so live that when we come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry."- Mark Twain
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"Fines" Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.
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Tales of HeroesDown at the Veteran's Hospital, a trio of old timers ran out of tales of their own heroic exploits and started bragging about their ancestors. "My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh.""Mine," boast another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn.""I'm the only soldier in my family," confessed vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world.""What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know."Nothing much. But he would be 185 years old."

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Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman.
Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the
repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the
dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you
a check.

"Oh, by the way, don't worry about my bulldog. He won't
bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY
circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO
MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the
following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest-looking
bulldog he had ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog
just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go
about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his
incessant yelling and name calling. Finally, the repairman
couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up,
you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

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Birthday Study
It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest. -- S. den Hartog, Ph D. Thesis Universtity of Groningen.
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Ten-Mile Hike
An old man saw a very tired infantryman resting after a hard foot march. The man said with disdain: "When I was of your age I thought nothing of a ten-mile hike." "Well, I don't think much of it either," replied the GI.
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For The Kids...
Why did the unwashed chicken cross the road twice? Because he was a dirty double crosser! What do you call a sleeping bull?A bulldozer! What has two legs and flies?A pig! What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?A cow that can milk itself!