Sunday, July 17, 2005

hUMOR For July 17th

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Ten Dresses
My mom got mad at my dad the other day and went shopping to relieve her irritation. When she returned home she informed him that she had purchased ten new dresses.
"Ten!" he hollered, "What could any woman want with ten new dresses??"
My mom calmly replied, "Ten new pairs of shoes."
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Here is today's CleanQuote.
"Christians are called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges."
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Marine Comeback

During mail call one evening at Marine Corps boot camp, I received several
letters from home. The drill instructor was getting irritated at having to
keep calling my name. "You must have a lot of people at home who like you,
huh?" he barked.

"Sir, no, sir!" I shouted.

"Oh, so you're calling me a liar?" goaded the DI.

Trained as a Marine to think quickly on my feet, I yelled out, "Sir,
creditors, sir!"

The DI had to leave the room so we wouldn't see him laughing.
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The New English

The European Commission has just announced an
agreement whereby English will be the official
language of the European Union rather than German,
which was th other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan
that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with
joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This
should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one
less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond
year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with
"f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
kan be expekted to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double
letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate
speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent
"e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go
away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from
vords kontaining "ou"and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil
hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil
find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united
urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German
like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.
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A woman writes:

My son serves in the military. He is still stateside
right now. He called me yesterday to let me know how
warm and welcoming people were to him, and his troops, everywhere he goes, telling me how people shake their hands, and thank them for being willing to serve, and fight, for not only our own freedoms but so that others ! may have them also.

But he also told me about an incident in the grocery
store he stopped at yesterday, on his way home from
the base. He said that ahead of several people in
front of him stood a woman dressed in a burkha.

He said when she got to the cashier she loudly
remarked about the US. flag lapel pin the cashier wore
on her smock.

The cashier reached up and touched the pin, and said
proudly, "Yes, I always wear it and I probably always
will."

The woman in the burkha then asked the cashier when
she was going to stop bombing her countrymen,
explaining that she was Iraqi.

A gentleman standing behind my son stepped forward,
putting his arm around my son's shoulders, and
nodding towards my son, said in a calm and gentle
voice to the Iraqi woman:

"Lady, hundreds of thousands of men and women like
this young man have fought and died so that YOU could
stand here, in MY country and accuse a check-out
cashier of bombing YOUR countrymen. It is my belief
that had you been this outspoken in YOUR own country,
we wouldn't need to be there today. But, hey, if you
have now learned how to speak out so loudly and
clearly, I'll gladly buy you a ticket and pay your way
back to Iraq so you can straighten out the mess in
YOUR country that you are obviously here in MY country
to avoid."

Everyone within hearing distance cheered!