Tuesday, January 30, 2007

hUMOR For Jan 30th

You know this sort of user: the kind who blames IT for
everything. "If I walk past her desk and so much as glance
in her direction, anything that happens on her PC, lost file
or otherwise, must be my fault," says the network
administrator.

So he dreads the voice mail message he gets from her one
day: "There's something wrong with my fax software. It
hasn't worked in months. You must have done something to
it."

He hasn't done any support on this user's PC in months and
hasn't touched the fax software since he installed it four
years before. And he really doesn't want to go anywhere near
the PC because he knows that, for months to come, everything
will be his fault.

Hoping to dodge that headache, he emails the user. "Is the
phone cable plugged into your computer and your phone?" he
asks in the email.

The response comes by voice mail: "Well, that was pretty
smart of you. The cable wasn't plugged into my phone. Thanks
for your help -- you must have unplugged it the last time
you were here!"

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A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS.'" ----------------------------------------- An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?""Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...." -------------------------------- ------- -- Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. ------------------------------------------ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. ------------------------------------------ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved. -------------------------------------------- When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. --------------------------------------------- You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks. ---------------------------------------------- I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. ---------------------------------------------- One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. ---------------------------------------------- Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. ----------------------------------------------- First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down. ------------------------------------------- Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _________________________ Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The first old guy says to thesecond guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for mywife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where Iwas going."The second old guy says, "That's OK, It's acoincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can'tfind her and I'm getting a little desperate."The first old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help youfind her. What does she look l ike?"The second old guy says: "Well, she is 27 yrs old! ,tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does you wife look like?"To which the first old guy says, "Doesn't matter,--- let's look for yours." ********* Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth...AMEN..!!
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"I guess Britney and Kevin Federline have agreed to a temporary child
custody arrangement. Turns out Britney's nanny gets the kids during the
week, and Kevin's ex-girlfriend gets them on the weekends." - Jay Leno

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"Washing Settings"
One day, a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "Texas A & M."
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Oneliner
"I Used Up All My Sick Days... So I Called In Dead."
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CleanPun - "Watched Clock"
A watched clock never boils.