********************************
Square One
User tells tech support employee that she needs a CD.
Tech asks, "A blank CD or a prerecorded one for testing?"
"Blank," she says.
"CD-R or CD-RW?" asks the tech, who then has to explain the difference.
After deciding that a CD-R was needed, the tech gets one out of the supply cabinet.
She stops him and says, "That's not the kind of CD I need. I need a square CD."
Tech gives her diskette and she goes away happy.
********************************
A soldier, a marine, and an airman got into a fight about which service is best. The fight was so heated, that they killed each other. Soon, they found themselves in Heaven.
They see St. Peter walk by and ask, "Which Branch of Service is the best?" St. Peter replied, "I can't answer that. But, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him." Some time later, the three see St. Peter again and ask him if he was able to find the answer.
Suddenly, a dove landed on St. Peter's shoulder. The dove was carrying a note in its beak. St. Peter opened the note and read it out loud to the three fellows:
"Gentlemen: All the Branches of the Service are Honorable and Noble." Each one of you has served your country well. Be proud of that."
(signed) GOD, USN (Ret.)
********************************
Three buddies die in a car crash. They go to heaven to the new arrival orientation.
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you're death, what would you like to hear them say about you?
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say...
LOOK, HE'S MOVING!"
********************************
JT was sitting on the airplane when another guy took the seat beside him.
The new guy was an absolute wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nails
and moaning in fear.
"Hey, pal, what's the matter?" JT asked
"Oh man... I've been transferred to California," the other guy answered,
there's crazy people in California and they have shootings, gangs, race
riots, drugs, the highest crime rate..."
"Hold on," JT interrupted, "I've lived in California all my life, and it
is not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your
own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as
anywhere in the world."
The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said,
"Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you live there and say
it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"
"Me?" said JT, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck in Oakland."
********************************
Sports Fanatic
My son is a sports fanatic and he has well-worn T-shirts, caps, and sweatshirts from every local team. One night, we were getting ready for an annual fund-raiser for our local theater organization.
My wife called out to my son, "This is a pretty fancy dinner. You'll have to wear a sports jacket."
My son answered, "Which team?"
********************************
Too cute.
Sunday Morning
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at
the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered
with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of
it. The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for a long time,
so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said
quietly, "Good morning, Alex."
"Good morning, Pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the
plaque. "Pastor, what is this?"
"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in
the service."
Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little
Alex's voice was barely audible, trembling with fear, when he asked,
"Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?"