A young clergyman, fresh out of seminary, thought it would
help him better understand the fears and temptations his
future congregations faced if he first took a job as a
policeman for several months. He passed the physical
examination; then came the oral exam to test his ability to
act quickly and wisely in an emergency.
Among other questions he was asked, "What would you do to
disperse a frenzied crowd?"
He thought for a moment and then said, "I would take up a
collection."
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TRUE AMERICAN GIT 'ER DONE
It is time to change from REDNECK humor to TRUE AMERICAN Humor! Only I don't see it as Humor, but the correct way to LIVE YOUR LIFE !
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation under God."
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You bow your head when someone prays.
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You've never burned an American flag.
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.
If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough TRUE AMERICAN in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about in this email.
God Bless the U S A !
Git 'er done!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Thanks to WS: Satan's Web
Have you ever heard of Satan's Web,
On the shore of Falsehood Bay,
Where Satan, with glittering attire,
Is roaming both night and day?
It isn't far to Satan's Web,
For people who want to go.
The idleness train will take you down,
In just an hour or so.
The Thoughtless road is a popular route,
And most folks start that way.
But the grade is steep and if you don't watch out
You'll land in Falsehood Bay.
You glide through the valley of Vicious Folk,
And into the tunnel of HATE,
Then crossing the ADD ON TO Bridge you walk,
Right into the city gate.
The principal street is called They-Say,
Which is located by the public well.
And the breezes that blow from Falsehood Bay
Are laden with Please, Don't-You-Tell.
In the midst of the town is Telltale Park.
You're never quite safe while you're there.
For its owner is Suspicious Remarks,
Who lives on the street Don't Care.
Just back of the park is Slander's Row,
'Twas there where many Good Names died,
Pierced by a dart from Jealousy's bow
In the hands of Envious Pride.
>From Satan's Web peace long since fled,
But trouble, grief and woe,
And sorrow and care you'll meet instead
If ever you chance to go.
-- author unknown
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Thanks to sunshinerose28 -- Mouse Story
A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see
the farmer and his wife open a package.
"What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered -
he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.
Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the
warning.
"There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a
mousetrap in the house!"
The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and
said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern
to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be
bothered by it."
The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a
mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the
house!"
The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry,
Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but
pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."
The mouse turned to the cow and said "There is a
mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the
house!"
The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but
it's no skin off my nose."
So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and
dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone.
That very night a sound was heard throughout the house
-- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.
The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In
the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake
whose tail the trap had caught.
The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her
to the hospital, and she returned home with a fever.
Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken
soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard
for the soup's main ingredient.
But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and
neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To
feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.
The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many
people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow
slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.
The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the
wall with great sadness.
So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem
and think it doesn't concern you, remember -- when one
of us is threatened, we are all at risk.
We are all involved in this journey called life. We
must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra
effort to encourage one another.
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Here is today's PearlyGates item.
The woman said to her beautician as she sat down for her appointment, "When you're finished with me, will my husband think I'm beautiful?"
"Maybe," replied beautician, "Does he drink a lot?"