Second Try
Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m., I discovered that
it had not been one of my wife's better days. Nothing I said or did
seemed to be right.
By 7 p.m. things had not changed, so I suggested I go outside,
pretend I had just got home, and start all over again. My wife agreed.
I went outside, came back in and, with a big smile, announced,
"Honey, I'm home!"
"And just where have you been?" she replied sharply. "It's after
seven o'clock!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From GCFL: Another Month Ends...
Entry in Weekly Schedule, New Zealand Symphony
Orchestra:
Another Month Ends
* All Targets Met
* All Systems Working
* All Customers Satisfied
* All Staff Eager and Enthusiastic
* All Pigs Fed and Ready to Fly
******************************************************
2 Patriotic Poems by L. B. Strawn --
PATRIOT
Two centuries ago our nation was born---
To fight to the finish our forefathers had sworn,
And now, over many a patriot's grave
We can sing, "Land of the free and home of the brave".
They gave this heritage to everyone,
Using sword and cannon and musket gun;
Marching o'er fields where blood ran red,
Over the bodies of comrades, dead.
In summer's humid and stifling heat--
Mostly forward and seldom retreat.
In dreaded cold of winter's snow;
Always onward to meet the foe.
In hunger, in thirst, with battle wound,
In agonizing strife, with scarcely a sound
Of complaint o'er the lot of a soldier, brave,
Marching onward into many a grave.
Often weary or fevered and ill,
Lack of clothing against winter's chill,
Lack of munitions, with which to fight,
But, fight they did, with all of their might.
Some gave their wealth but gained their fame,
And, with all who fought, gained a name.
"Patriot!" It rings, as it flies through the land.
"Patriot!" Wonderful name, so grand.
That's right!! They gave for you and me;
Died that America might be free.
Let's vow to keep it that way--you and I.
And, for this great land, be willing to die.
"Patriot!!" Are we worthy of the name?
"Patriot!!" Like those of old, are we the same?
Would we uphold their traditions, true?
I know that I would---would you????
By L. B. Strawn WW II Vet
July 4, 1976
PEARL
This is the day we remember Pearl
And the tragedy which was wrought.
May our flag, "OLD GLORY", e'er unfurl
As an ensign for all those who fought.
May we remember all those who died
That, free, this land might remain.
And, remember their loved ones, as they cried
In heartfelt sorrow and pain.
Free we are---and free we must stay,
For their lasting memory.
Lest we forget that tragic day,
America must stay free !!!
By L. B. Strawn
December 7, 1978
******************************************************
Todays' Last Laugh goes to John & Gwen Bradshaw --
more old Arkansas buddies -- Hillbilly Birth
Deep in the back woods, of Letcher County Kentucky a
hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the
night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the
delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor
handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You
hold this high so I can see what I am doing!."
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa
there," said the doctor, "don't be in such a rush to
put that lantern down I think there's another one
coming."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby
girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's
another one!" Said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.
"No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it
seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the
doctor
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and
asked the doctor, . .. . . "You reckon it might be the
light that's attractin' 'em?"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN?
ABSOLUTELY TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING ON THE
INCIDENT.
A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 (with monthly payments of
$560.00).
He and a friend go duck hunting in mid-winter; and of course all of the
lakes are frozen.
These two guys go on a lake with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the New
NAVIGATOR.
They decide they want to make a natural looking water area for the ducks,
something for the decoys to float on. Now making a
hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is going to take a
little more power than the average drill auger can produce.
So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a
short 40 second-fuse. Now our two Rocket
Scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away
after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along With the Navigator),
decide on the following course of action: they lite the 40 second fuse;
then, with a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as
possible.
Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the
GUNS, and the DOG...???
Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING.
Especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it: the dog takes off
across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite,
with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits the ice.
The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in
their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb,
scream and holler at the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered on
by his master, keeps coming. One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and
shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough
to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused then
continues on.
Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really
confused and of course terrified, thinks these two
geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand
new Navigator.
The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on the
truck touches the dogs rear end, he yelps, drops the
dynamite under the truck and takes off after his master.
Then""""""""""BOOOOOOOOOOOOM""""""""""!!!!
The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving the
two idiots standing there with...... "I can't
believe this just happened" looks on their faces. The insurance company
says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT
COVERED by the policy. He still had yet to make the first of those $560.00
a month payments...The
dog is okay...
Newspaper item from Wisconsin...
AND THEY MAKE FUN OF "REDNECKS" FROM THE SOUTH?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Glass Honesty"
As the three ladies picked up a menu, each put on a pair of glasses.
"I really only need mine for close reading," explained the first.
Remarked the second, "I only use mine when the light is bad."
The third confessed, "I rarely wear mine - except when I want to see."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CleanQuote
"What a father says to his children is not heard by the world; but it will be heard by posterity." - Jean Paul Richter
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Letters to Pastors"
**Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.
**Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete.
Age 9, Phoenix
**Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert, Page 11, Anderson
**Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance? Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven
**Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold. Yours truly, Annette. Age 9, Albany
**Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there. Stephen. Age 8, Chicago
**Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma
**Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my allowance. Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12, Sarasota
**Dear Pastor, Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow. Laurie. Age 10, New York City
**Dear Pastor, I hope to go to heaven some day but later than sooner. Love, Ellen, age 9. Athens
**Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh
**Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house. Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena
**Dear Pastor, Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God? Sincerely, Christopher. Age 9, Titusville
**Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class. Carla. Age 10, Salina
**Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished. Ralph, Age 11, Akron
**Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers?
Sincerely, Marie. Age 9, Lewiston