When One Shows Up
A preacher prepared for Sunday morning service, but only one person,
a farmer, was there. He asked the farmer, "What do you think we should do?"
The farmer replied with a drawl, "Well, if only one cow came into the
barn, I'd feed it."
So the preacher mounted the pulpit and began to preach ... and preach
... and preach. After about two hours, he concluded.
Then he stepped down and said to the farmer, "So, what did you think?"
The farmer replied, "Well, if only one cow came into the barn, I
certainly wouldn't try to feed it all the hay."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family
ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in
financial trouble. To keep the bank from repossessing the
ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a
far town so they can breed their own stock.
They have only $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells
her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull,
I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull,
and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he
will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives
to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell
her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says,
"I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that
I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the
trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can
haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help
her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after
paying for the bull, the brunette has only $1 left. She
realizes that she'll be able to send her sister just one
word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want
you to send her the word 'comfortable.'"
The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know
that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck
and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if
you send her just the word 'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's a blonde. The word's
big. She'll read it very slowly: 'com-for-da-bull'!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Caddy Advice
Standing on the tee of a relatively long par three, a confident
golfer said to his caddy, "Looks like a four-wood and a putt to me."
The caddy argued with him a bit and suggested that he instead play it
safe and hit a four-iron then a wedge. The golfer was insulted and
proceeded to scream and yell at the caddy on the tee telling him that
he was a better golfer than that and how dare the caddy under
estimate his game.
So, giving in, the caddy handed the gentleman the four-wood he had
asked for. He proceeded to top the ball and watched as it rolled
about fifteen yards off the front of the tee.
Immediately the caddy handed him his putter and said, "And now for
one long putt..."