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While my wife and I were shopping at a mall, a shapely young
woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. My eyes
followed her.
Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife
asked, "Was it worth the trouble you're in?"
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For All Those Born Before 1945
Consider all the changes we have witnessed ...We were born before television, before penicillin, beforepolio shots, before frozen foods, plastics, Xerox, contactlens, Frisbees and the PILL.We were born before radar, credit cards, split atoms, laserbeams, and ball point pens, and before panty hose,dishwashers, clothes dryers, electric blankets, airconditioners, drip-dry clothes and before man walked on themoon. We got married first and then lived together. Howquaint can you be? In our time closets were for clothes, notcoming out of. Bunnies were small rabbits and rabbits werenot Volkswagens. Designer Jeans were scheming girls namedJean or Jeannie, and having a meaningful relationship meantgetting along with your cousin.We thought fast food was what you ate during Lent, and outerSpace was the back of Loews Theatre. We were born beforehouse-husbands, gay rights, computer dating, and dualcareers. We never heard of FM radio, tape decks, electrictypewriters, artificial hearts, word processors, or guyswearing ear rings. For us time sharing meant togethernessand hardware and software weren't even words.In 1939 "made in Japan" meant junk and the term "making out"referred to how you did on your exam. Pizzas, MacDonalds andinstant coffee were unheard of. We hit the scene when therewere 5 and 10 cent stores, where you bought things for 5 and10 cents. For a nickel you could ride on the street car,make a phone call, but a Pepsi or enough stamps to mail oneletter or 2 post cards, and gas for your car (if you hadone) was 11 cents a gallon.In our day GRASS was mowed, COKE was a cold drink, and POTwas something you cooked in. ROCK MUSIC was Grandma'slullaby and AIDS were helpers in the Principal's office. Wewere certainly not before the differences between the sexeswas discovered, but were surely before the sex change. And,we were the last generation that was so dumb as to think youneeded a husband to have a baby. No wonder we are soconfused and there is such a generation gap today.BUT WE SURVIVED!!!
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FoodCan't eat Beef, Mad cow.... Can't eat chicken . bird flu Can't eat eggs . Salmonella Can't eat pork . fears that bird flu will infect piggies Can't eat fish . heavy metals in the waters have poisoned their meat Can't eat fruits and veggies . insecticides and herbicides Hmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!
M
M
M
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M
M
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M
I believe that leaves Chocolate!!!!!!!!
Remember - - - "STRESSED" spelled backwards is "DESSERTS"
Send this to four people and you will lose 2 pounds. Send this to everyone you know (or ever knew), and you will lose 10 pounds. (If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately.) "That's why I had to pass this on - - - - - I didn't want to risk it."
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A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word
"fascinate" in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm,
and
we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
"fascinate, not fascinating".
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I
was
fascinated."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the
word "fascinate."
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been
burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he
could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs
are
so big she can only fasten eight."
The teacher cried.
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Here is today's CleanPun.
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; his hobby was golf.
The other night, the man yelled, "Fore!"
His wife yelled back, "Four Fifty!"