Weird News
Montana man crashed bike into wild bear
MISSOULA, Mont. (UPI) -- A 57-year-old man in Missoula, Mont., says he is lucky to be alive after accidentally crashing his bicycle into the side of a wild bear. Middle school teacher Jim Litz said he often sees bears during his daily commute along a dirt road but he didn't' have time to avoid one of the animals that wandered into his way Monday, The (Missoula, Mont.) Missoulian said. "I didn't have time to respond. I never even hit my brakes," Litz said. The teacher said after the impact flipped him off his bike, the bear began clawing at him, apparently in confusion and anger. The attack left Litz with scratches and bruises over most of his body. Litz said he was sore and a bit clawed up, but lucky to have survived - and he holds no ill will toward the animal. "I was truly lucky, because I accosted the bear and he let me live," he told the Missoulian. "I truly respect them. They're beautiful creatures."
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Ind. town seeks missing time capsule
ELKHART, Ind. (UPI) -- City officials in Elkhart, Ind., said they are having difficulty locating a time capsule buried in 1958 -- possibly because it may never have existed. Officials said a city employee received an e-mail from a man who said he was at the city's centennial celebration in 1958 and claimed a time capsule buried during the ceremony was meant to be opened in 2008, the Elkhart Truth reported. However, the city's Sesquicentennial Celebration Committee said it could not determine where the capsule had been buried. Some members suggested Lundquist-Bicentennial Park as the location, but the only time capsule on record in the park was buried in 1977. Mary Jo Weyrick, the City Council's administrative assistant, said she has combed through all records of the centennial celebration and cannot find any record of the time capsule other than a brief newspaper mention requesting photo clippings for the item. Paul Thomas, curator of the Time Was Museum and a member of the Sesquicentennial Celebration Committee, said the 1958 capsule may have never been buried. "Everyone assumed it existed," he said. The centennial "was covered like a blanket, and there was nothing" mentioning the item. Weyrick said one resident who remembers the centennial celebration said the time capsule was buried on the southwest corner of Main and High streets -- an area the city is unlikely to want to dig up after new sidewalks were recently installed.
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11-month-old tips off grandma to trouble
BRAINTREE, England (UPI) -- The grandmother of a Braintree, England, 11-month-old said the baby answered the phone and alerted her to the fact that the child's mother was in trouble. Grandmother Linda Wight said she knew something was amiss when she phoned Elizabeth Boyle, 20, and the cell phone was answered by Wright's granddaughter, Amelia, The Times of London reported. Wright said Amelia tipped her off that something was wrong in the home by asking, "Who's this?" and repeatedly saying: "Mama." The grandmother phoned emergency services and Boyle awoke to find police at her doorway. She said she had blacked out in the hallway of her home. Boyle, who had a history of passing out, was examined by paramedics, did not require hospital treatment.
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Second Wife
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:
"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'"
One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook???"
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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....so, I took her to a gas station..... And then the fight started....
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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!" So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?" And that's how the fight started.....
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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that's how the fight started.....
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The Gas CompanyTwo gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two men from the gas company running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"
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"At the end of our first date the girl told me I was crazy
in the head and I should be committed to a mental institu-
tion. Why do women always want us to make a commitment?"
-Unknown
***
"When you get married and have a kid, you can't do all
those things you wanted to do as a young existentialist
of seventeen or eighteen... like kill yourself." -Al Rae
***
"The only thing that stops God from sending another flood
is that the first one was useless." -Nicholas Chamfort
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You have probably heard about the lawsuit over a spilled cup
of coffee. However, there are many other silly lawsuits
involving products that have received far less attention.
For example:
A prescription of sleeping pills says,
"Warning: May cause drowsiness
A container of underarm deodorant says,
"Caution: Do not spray in eyes"
A cartridge for a laser printer warns: "Do not eat toner"
A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard
warns:
"Do not drive with sunshield in place"
A Bathroom Heater says:
"This product is not to be used in bathrooms"
A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users:
"May irritate eyes"
A popular manufactured fireplace log warns:
"Caution - Risk of Fire"
A box of birthday cake candles says: "DO NOT use soft wax
as ear plugs or for any other function that involves in-
sertion into a body cavity.
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Nothing rattles my father-in-law, especially when the St.
Louis Cardinals are on TV.
One day we were watching a game, when my mother-in-law
shrieked from the kitchen, "Jim, there's a horsefly in
here!"
Not taking his eyes off the screen, he barked back,"Give
it some cough syrup."
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TOP 8 MORONS OF 2007
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland , CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.'
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka , Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: 'Give me all your money or I'll shoot'. The man shouted back, 'that's not what I said!'.
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart'. 'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked. 'No!' the man shouted, 'this is her husband!'
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto , CA , Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket (hellooooooo)!
8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!