A biker is riding a new motorcycle on the highway. While passing a car
driven by a beautiful woman, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car
opens the window, "Yes?"
"Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"No I haven't and I never will."
The biker drives on. In the next car is another beautiful woman. While
passing, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window:
"Yes?"
"Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"No I haven't and I never will."
Then suddenly there is a curve, the biker sees it too late. He crashes off
the road into a ditch. A car stops and a beautiful woman man runs to the
unlucky biker. Covered in blood, the biker asks, "Ever driven a Honda
motorcycle?"
"Yes I have." said the woman. "I've had a Honda for several years."
The biker says, "Tell me, where are the brakes?"
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Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
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Grumpy, Not Mad
Q: What do you call a grumpy cow? A: Moo-dy
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We Deliver
The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year. "Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?" "It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife." "Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "I forgot to tell you - we also deliver."
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New Old Sayings
1. Anywhere you hang your @ is home. 2. The e-mail of the species is deadlier than the mail. 3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. 4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks. 5. Great groups from little icons grow. 6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone. 7. C:\ is the root of all directories. 8. Don't put all your hypes in one home page. 9. Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish. 10. The modem is the message. 11. Too many clicks spoil the browse. 12. The geek shall inherit the earth. 13. A chat has nine lives. 14. Don't byte off more than you can view. 15. Fax is stranger than fiction. 16. What boots up must come down. 17. Windows will never cease. 18. In Gates we trust (and our tender is legal). 19. Virtual reality is its own reward. 20. Modulation in all things. 21. A user and his leisure time are soon parted. 22. There's no place like ( http://www.)home(.com) 23. Know what to expect before you connect. 24. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice. 25. Speed thrills. 26. Give a man (or for that matter anyone) a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use The Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
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Ghost Indian
Two Ponca men were sitting out on a back road visiting. All at once there was a tapping on the window. "Ah Hoh!" "Hey guy!" "I think there is a ghost tapping on the window!" Sure enough a wizened face with long flowing white hair was there just out side the window. The Ponca man driving shoved his foot down on the gas and immediately was doing 60 miles and hour. "Step on it!" "He's still out there!" And sure enough, there was another tapping at the window. The driver shoved his foot to the floor again! This time he was doing ninety (90) miles an hour. Still the ghostly figure tapped on the window. "You better giver 'er some more gas!" "He's still out there." "I can't go any faster, I've got her up to 120 miles an hour. About that time the little old man motioned for the passenger to roll the window down, which he did. "Say Boys!" "I was wanting to know
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Raking Blonde
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree.
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Crop Circles
Q. Why do aliens make crop circles? A. Because they are corny.
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May I take your order, sir
A waiter approached the man studying the menu carefully at the fancy restaurant. "May I take your order, sir?" he asked. "Well, I was wondering how you prepare your chickens." The man replied. "Oh, it's nothing too special, sir," the waiter confided. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."
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Mom's Time Out
My Parents had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her. "Would you like to go out, girl?" he asked. Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes, I'd love to!" They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of it that Dad confessed. His question had actually been directed to the family dog, lying near Mom's feet on the kitchen floor.
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The passenger noticed by the license that his cab driver's name was Winston
Churchill. Trying to make conversation, he said, "I see your name is Winston
Churchill."
The driver simply said, "Yep. That's my name."
The passenger, not willing to give up yet on some banter said, "That's a
pretty famous name."
The driver responded with: "As well it should be. I've been driving a cab
here for over forty years."
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Sir William Thompson was very deaf but he did not like people to know this.
One evening he had invited several friends to dinner, and while they were
sitting at the table, one of the friends told a funny story.
Everyone laughed, and Sir William, who had laughed as loud as anyone, said,
"That was a very funny joke, but I know a funnier one. Would you like to
hear it?" They all said they would, so Sir William began his story. When it
ended, everyone laughed louder than ever and Sir William smiled happily.
However, he didn't know the reason for their laughter.
He had told the very same story that his friend had just told.
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How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? Nobody knows. It's never
been tried.