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Abbott and Costello - Computer Version
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking about buying a computer. ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou. ABBOTT: Your computer? COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou. ABBOTT: What about Windows? COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here? ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with windows? COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows? ABBOTT: Wallpaper. COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. ABBOTT: Software for windows? COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got? ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? ABBOTT: I just did. COSTELLO: You just did what? ABBOTT: Recommend something. COSTELLO: You recommended something? ABBOTT: Yes. COSTELLO: For my office? ABBOTT: Yes. COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office? ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yes, for my office! ABBOTT: I recommend office with windows. COSTELLO: I already have an office and it has windows! OK, lets just say, I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? ABBOTT: Word. COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT: Word in Office. COSTELLO: The only word in office is office. ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W." COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet? ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One. COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need! ABBOTT: Real One. COSTELLO: If its a long movie I also want to see reel2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them? ABBOTT: Of course. COSTELLO: Great, with what? ABBOTT: Real One. COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do? ABBOTT: You click the blue "1." COSTELLO: I click the blue one what? ABBOTT: The blue "1." COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w? ABBOTT: The blue 1 is Real One and the blue W is Word. COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"! ABBOTT: No, just one. but its the most popular Word in the world. COSTELLO: It is? ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there. COSTELLO: And that word is real one? ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even Part of Office. COSTELLO: Stop! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping you have anything I can track my money with? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: I need money to track my money? ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer. COSTELLO: What's bundled to my computer? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer? ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge. COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? ABBOTT: One copy. COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money? ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money. COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money? ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT! (LATER) COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off? ABBOTT: Click on "START"..
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Here is today's CleanQuote.
"The MORE you sweat in training the LESS you bleed in battle."
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Here is today's Illustration. - Wisdom
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the young guy replied.
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, "All right. Get in."
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The insurance salesman, trying to start up a conversation
with another fella said, "Who is the ugly lady over there?"
The second man said, "Why, that's my wife!"
Trying to get out of an embarrassing situation, the salesman said, "No, not her, the other one!"
The second man said, "That's my daughter!"
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Did You Know?
Did you know that when you envy someone, it's because
you really like that person?
Did you know that those who appear to be very strong
in heart, are real weak and most susceptible?
Did you know that those who spend their time
protecting others are the ones that really need some
one to protect them?
Did you know that the three most difficult things to
say are :
I love you, Sorry and help me
The people who say these are actually in need of them
or really feel them, and are the ones you really need
to treasure, because they have said them.
Did you know that people who occupy themselves by
keeping others company or helping others are the ones
that actually need your company and help?
Did you know that those who dress in red are more
confident in themselves?
Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those
that enjoy their beauty?
Did you know that those who dress in black, are those
who want to be unnoticed and need your help and
understanding?
Did you know that when you help someone, the help is
returned in two folds?
Did you know that those who need more of you are those
that don't mention it to you?
Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in
writing than saying it to someone in the face? But did
you know that it has more value when you say it to
their face?
Did you know that what is most difficult for you to
say or do is much more valuable than anything that is
valuable that you can buy with money?
Did you know that if you ask for something in faith,
your wishes are granted?
Did you know that you can make your dreams come true,
like falling in love, becoming rich, staying healthy,
if you ask for it by faith, and if you really knew,
you'd be surprised by what you could do.
But don't believe everything I tell you, until you try
it for yourself , if you know someone that is in need
of something that I mentioned, and you know that you
can help, you'll see that it will be returned in
two-fold .
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Anyone From Texas?
Did you hear about the man from Texas who passed away
and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved
widow? She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
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How do you know when you're staying in a Texas hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak
in my sink" and the person at the front desk says "go
ahead."
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Did you hear that they have raised the minimum
drinking age in Texas to 32? It seems they want to
keep alcohol out of the high schools.
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Texas police pulled over a pickup truck on the
Turnpike. The officer said to the driver, "Got any
ID?" The driver said, "Bout what?"
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Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Texas
burned down? Yep. Pert' near took out the whole
trailer park.
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NEWS FLASH! - Texas worst air disaster occurred when a small 2-seat
Cessna 150 plane, piloted by 2 Aggies crashed into a College Station
cemetery earlier today. Search and rescue workers have recovered 300
bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues
into
the evening. The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the
recovery efforts.
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A Texas State trooper pulled over a Oklahoma pickup on I-35. The
trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout' whut?"