Saturday, March 25, 2006

hUMOR For March 25th

"Vacuum Repair"
My sister has the courage, but not always the skills, to tackle any home-repair project.
For example, in her garage are pieces of a lawn mower she once tried to fix. So I wasn't surprised the day my other sister, Dianne, and I found our sister attacking her vacuum cleaner with a screwdriver.
"I can't get this thing to cooperate," she explained when she saw us.
Dianne suggested, "Why don't you drag it out to the garage and show it the lawn mower?"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oneliner
"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CleanPun - "Jester"
"An unemployed jester is nobody's fool."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* A kindergarten teacher asked, "What is the shape of the
earth?" One little girl spoke up: "According to my daddy --
terrible!"

* Trying to come to the aid of his father, who was stopped
by an officer for speeding, the little tyke piped up, "Yeah?
Well, if we were speeding, so were you!"

* Two kids were trying to figure out what game to play. One
said, "Let's play doctor." "Good idea," said the other. "You
operate, and I'll sue."

* I guess you can get too health conscious... The wife and I
don't have a lot of "junk food" in the house. Upon eating a
snack of some munchies or other, my grandson asked what
vitamins they had in them. I told him I doubted there were
any at all. He replied wide-eyed, "You mean these are just
for fun?"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOW TO CLEAN THE HOUSE



[Image]

HOW TO CLEAN THE HOUSE

1. Open a new file in your PC.
2. Name it "Housework."
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN.
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want
To delete Housework permanently?"
6. Calmly answer, "Yes," and press mouse button firmly......
7. Feel better?

Works for me!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bonus

(Here's hoping there is no one like this at your workplace.)

Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one thousand
dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving money.

The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting
future bonuses to ten dollars.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A man is playing the piano softly one night in a downtown bar. In walks an elephant (told you) who goes over to the pianist, and suddenly starts to cry.
"There, there", says the pianist "Do you recognize the song?"
"No, no," says the elephant "I recognize the keys."