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Clutter Advice
About a week ago, I came across an Internet advise column that told me how to eliminate the paperwork clutter on my desk.
Great.
So I printed out the five pages of how-to instructions, and placed them on top of the rest of the stuff on my desk. Now I can't find them.
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Oneliner.
You always hear people using the phrase "working like a dog" but when's the last time you saw a dog doing any work?
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CleanPun. - Stocks
An American history teacher, lecturing the class on the Puritans, asked: "What sort of people were punished in the stocks?"
To which a small voice from the back of the room responded: "The small investor."
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Bible Brain Twister By John Kezer
I once made a remark about the hidden books of the Bible. It was a lulu, kept people looking so hard for facts, and for others it was a revelation. Some were in a jam, especially since the names of the books are not capitalized, but the truth finally struck home to numbers of readers. To others, it was a real job. We want it to be a most fascinating few moments for you. Yes, there will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may require judges to help them. I will quickly admit it usually takes a minister to find one of the 17, and there will be loud lamentations when it is found. A little lady says she brews a cup of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well you can compete. Relax now, for there really are the names of 17 books of the Bible in these sentences.
One preacher found 16 books in 20 minutes. It took him three weeks to find the seventeenth one.
(Hint: See how many books of the bible you can find in the
text above.)
Answer Below:
Bible Brain Twister By [John] Kezer
I once made a re[mark] about the hidden books of the Bible.
It was a lu[lu, ke]pt people loo [king s]o hard for f[acts], and for others it was a [revelation]. Some were in a [jam, es] pecially since the names of the books are not capitalized, but the t[ruth] finally struck home to [numbers] of readers. To others, it was a real [job]. We want it to be [a mos]t fascinating few moments for you. Y[es, ther]e will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may require [judges] to help them. I will quickly admi[t it us]ually takes a minister to find one of the 17, and there will be loud [lamentations] when it is found. A little lady says s[he brews] a cup of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well you can com [pete. R]elax now, for there really are the names of 17 books of the Bible in these sentences.
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If I lock my keys in my car, all I have to do is call OnStar and they unlock my car.
If the car is stolen, they can lock all the doors and trap the thief in the car.
Whenever my wife tells me she is taking the car to go shopping, I call OnStar and tell them my car has been stolen.
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Tribute to a Friend
Nose prints on the window, scratches at the back door,
Dog hair on the sofa, muddy prints on the floor.
Your face in the window when I''d drive away,
How you'd greet me at the door at the end of the day.
At your expense how I laughed it up
Like how everything scared you when you were a pup...
When you ran from that "monster" to no avail
It was only a branch that was caught in your tail...
Or the 4th of July when the fireworks flared
How you hid in the bathtub because you were scared.
Dog hair on my pants, on my shirt, on my sock,
Your ferocious loud bark when somebody's knock.
How each night you faithfully slept by my bed,
How I''d reach from the covers and I'd scratch your
head.
When the end finally came, with tear-filled eyes
I kissed y ou and lovingly said my goodbyes.
I held you in my arms ''til the very end.
Now your absence is painful. I miss you, dear friend.
Although I was your owner right from the start,
You were really the Master, for you owned my heart.
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LAST RITES
A Catholic man is struck by a bus on a busy street.
He is lying near death on the sidewalk as a crowd gathers."A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps.
Minutes drag on and no one steps out of the crowd.
A policeman checks the crowd and finally yells,
"A PRIEST, PLEASE! Isn't there a priest in this crowd
to give this man his last rites?" Finally, out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man
of at least 80 years of age. "Mr. Policeman," says the man,
"I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Christian.
But for 50 years now I'm living behind the Catholic Church
on First Avenue, and every night I'm overhearing their services.
I can recall a lot of it, and maybe I can be of some comfort
to this poor man." The policeman agrees, and clears the crowd so the man
can get through to where the injured man lay.
The old Jewish man kneels down, leans over the prostrate man
and says in a solemn voice: "B-4.
I-19.
N-38.
G-54.
O-72"