The Poor Tailor and the French Restaurant
Old Abraham was a poor tailor whose shop was next door to a very
upscale French restaurant. Every day at lunch time, Abraham would go
out the back of his shop and eat his black bread and herring while
smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant's kitchen.
One day, Abraham was surprised to receive an invoice from the
restaurant for 'enjoyment of food'. So he went to the restaurant to
point out that he had not bought anything from them. The manager
said, "You're enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it."
Abraham refused to pay and the restaurant sued him. At the hearing,
the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case. The
manager said, "Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen
and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are
providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be
compensated for it."
The judge turns to Abraham and said, "What do you have to say to that?"
Abraham didn't say anything but stuck his hand in his pocket and
rattled the few coins
he had inside.
The judge asked him, "What is the meaning of that?"
Abraham replied, "I'm paying for the smell of his food with the sound
of my money."
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An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an
evening of Church services when she was startled by an
intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home
of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and
be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins
may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called
the police and explained what she had done. As the officer
cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why
did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a
scripture to you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an Ax
and Two 38's!"
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"Milk Switch"
To help a friend lose weight, I told her that she should switch to lower-fat foods, including skim milk. When she said her family would drink only whole milk, I suggested that she keep their regular container and refill it with skim milk. This worked for quite a while, until her daughter asked one morning whether the milk was okay.
"Sure, it's fine," my friend answered, fearing she had been found out. "Why do you ask?"
The daughter explained, "Well, according to the expiration date, this milk expired two years ago!"
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CleanQuote
“All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night, in the dusty recesses of their minds, awake in the day to find it was all vanity. But the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes to make it reality.” - T.E. Lawrence
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"Family Relationships"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
I ran short of money while visiting my brother, and borrowed $50 from him.
After my return home, I wrote him a short letter every few weeks, enclosing a $5 check in each one. He called me up and told me how much he enjoyed the letters, regardless of the money; I had never written regularly before.
Eventually I sent off a letter and the last five-dollar check.
In my mail box the next week I found an envelope from my brother. Inside was another $50.
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Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when
he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The
date stamped on the ticket showed it was over eleven years
old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them
might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a
decade ago.
"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold
asked.
"Not very likely," his wife said.
"It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket.
He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the
store.
With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind
the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said,
"Just a minute. I'll have to look for these."
He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.
Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"
"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who
would have thought they'd still be here after all this
time."
The man came back to the counter, empty-handed.
"They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.
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If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it –
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!