A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all
of a sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse yells,
"BARK!" and the cat runs away.
"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you
understand why it's important to learn a foreign language?"
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"Zoo Thank You"
As a volunteer who conducts educational tours of the Zoo, Sally occasionally receives thank you notes from members of school groups.
One of her favorites said: "Dear Sally, I am a third grader. I loved all the animals in the zoo. You were the best of all."
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Oneliner
The "problem" with today's society, is that; (no one) knows how, to punctuate correctly, anymore?
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CleanPun - "Tigers"
Why does a tiger have stripes?
So he won't be spotted.
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2007 Contract
After serious and cautious consideration...
your contract of friendship has been
renewed for the year 2007!
It was a very hard decision to make.
So try not to screw it up!!!
My wish for you in 2007
May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts.
May the pockets of your jeans become magnets for $100 bills.
May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!
May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires, may happiness slap you
across the face and may your tears be only those of joy.
May the problems you have forget your home address!
In simple words....
May 2007 be the best year of your life!!!
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OH DEARA
Hi,
I was shopping at Safeway and noticed a little old lady following me around.
I stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at me.
She finally overtook me at the checkout, and she turned to me and said,
"I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."
I answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store", it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, I called out, "Goodbye, Mom!!"
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at me.
Pleased that I had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, I went to pay for my groceries.
"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.
"How come so much??? .. I only bought 5 items!!.."
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things too."
Don't trust little Old Ladies!!!
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NOT A VERY NICE JOKE, IS IT??? or is it??
Stuck in Traffic
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on US 95 south, just outside of
Washington.
Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his
window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened?" What's the
hold up?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson,
Al Sharpton and John Kerry. They are asking for a $100 million ransom.
Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on
fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "On average how much is everyone giving?"
"About a gallon. And three people have offered matches!"