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Stuck in rush-hour traffic, I couldn't help but stare at a burly biker wearing a black leather jacket and chaps pulled up next to me on a shocking pink Harley. My first thoughts were, "Is that really a pink Harley? I wonder if he's..."
Just then the traffic cleared, and he pulled up in front of me.
On the back of his jacket were stenciled the words, "Yes, it is. No, I'm not."
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A man was on a hiking holiday in a foreign country. He
became thirsty, so he decided to stop at a stranger's home
to ask for something to drink.
The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl
of soup by the fire.
There was a wee pig running around the kitchen -- running up
to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention.
The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.
The housewife replied: "Ummm, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using!"
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Ammunition Substantiation
An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning methods to counter offensive tactics. That summer, the area had experienced an infestation of rattlesnakes. Officers and NCOs were given one magazine of live ammunition to counter this danger, as several men had already been bitten.
So much ammunition was expended shooting, supposedly, at snakes that the post commander demanded that every officer and NCO who had shot at a snake present the dead snake as proof that the expenditure of rounds was justifiable.
The next day, the post commander entered his office and spotted a shoe box on his desk. He opened it, revealing a sleepy and sluggish, but very live, rattlesnake. Inside the box were twenty expended cartridges, and a short note. The note said, "I missed!"
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Oneliner.
When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.
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CleanPun. - Sure Is
An old couple was just settling in to bed one night when the phone rang. The husband got out of bed and went into the living room to answer the phone. His wife could hear him say, "Hello?" Then he said, "Sure is." He hung up the receiver and went back to bed.
A minute later the phone rang again. The husband got out of bed and went into the other room and his wife could hear him say, "Hello?" and then he said, "Sure is." He hung up the receiver and went back to bed.
The wife asked who it was.
The man said he didn't know.
A minute later the phone rang again. The husband got out of bed and went into the other room and his wife could hear him say, "Hello?" Then he said, "Sure is." He hung up the receiver and went back to bed.
The wife asked again about the caller.
The man said he didn't know who it was.
The wife then asked, "Well, what did the person say?"
He said, "It's odd, a woman just keeps saying, 'Long distance from Chicago..'"