A Redneck Valentine's Day PoemCollards is greenmy dog's name is Blueand I'm so luckyto have a sweet thang like you.Yore hair is like cornsilka-flapping in the breezeSofter than Blue'sand without all them fleas.You move like the bass,which excite me in May.You ain't got no scalesbut I luv you anyway.Yo're as satisfy'n as okryjist a-fry'n in the pan.Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"right out of the can.You have som'a yore teeth,for which I am proud;I hold my head highwhen we're in a crowd.On special occasions,when you shave under yore arms,well, I'm in hawg heaven,and awed by yore charms.Still them fellers at work,they all want to know,what I did to deservesuch a purdy, young doe.Like a good roll of duct tapeyo're there fer yore man,to patch up life's troublesand fix what you can.Yo're as cute as a junebuga-buzzin' overhead.You ain't mean like those far antsI found in my bed.Cut from the best clothlike a plaid flannel shirt,you spark up my lifemore than a fresh load of dirt.When you hold me real tightlike a padded gunrack,my life is complete;Ain't nuttin' I lack.Yore complexion, it's perfection,like the best vinyl sidin'.despite all the years,yore age, it keeps hidin'.Me 'n' you's like a Moon Piewith a RC cold drank,we go togetherlike a skunk goes with stank.Some men, they buy chocolatefor Valentine's Day;They git it at Wal-Mart,it's romantic that way.Some men git roseson that special dayfrom the cooler at Kroger."That's impressive," I say.Some men buy fine diamondsfrom a flea market booth."Diamonds are forever,"they explain, suave and couth.But for this man, honey,these won't do.Cause yo're too special,you sweet thang you.I got you a gift,without taste nor odor,more useful than diamonds...It's a new trollin' motor!!
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THIS TOOK TWO PAGES OF THE TUESDAY USA TODAY - IT IS FOR REAL
To all of my friends, I do not usually forward messages,
But this is from my friend Pearlas Sandborn and she really is an
attorney.
If she says that this will work - It will work. After all, What have
you
got to lose?
SORRY EVERYBODY.. JUST HAD TO TAKE THE CHANCE!!! I'm an attorney,
And I know the law. This thing is for real. Rest assured AOL and
&nbs
p;
Intel will follow through with their promises for fear of facing a
multimillion-dollar class action suit
similar to the one filed by PepsiCo against General Electric not too
long ago.
Dear Friends: Please do not take this for a junk letter
Bill Gates sharing his fortune. If you ignore this, You will repent
later.
Microsoft and AOL are now the largest Internet companies
and in an effort to make sure that Internet Explorer remains the
most widely used program, Microsoft and AOL are running an e-mail
beta test.
When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft can and will
track
it
(If you are a Microsoft Windows user) For a two weeks time period.
For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay
you
$245.00
For every person that you sent it to that forwards it on,
Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and for every third person that
receives
it,
You will be paid $241.00. Within two weeks, Microsoft will contact
you
for your address and then send you a check.
Regards. Charles S Bailey General Manager Field Operations
1-800-842-2332 Ext. 1085 or 904-1085 or RNX 292-1085
Thought this was a scam myself, But two weeks after receiving this
e-mail and forwarding it on.
Microsoft contacted me for my address and within days, I received a
check for $24, 800.00.
You need to respond before the beta testing is over. If anyone can
affoard this, Bill gates is the man.
It's all marketing expense to him. Please forward this to as many
people
as possible.
You are bound to get at least $10, 000.00
We're not going to help them out with their e-mail beta test without
getting a little something for our time.
My brother's girlfriend got in on this a few months ago. When I went
to
visit him for the Baylor/UT game,
she showed me her check. It was for the sum of $4,324.44 and was
stamped
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It DependsA teacher said to her student, "William, if both of your parents were born in 1976, how old are they now?"After a few moments, William answered, "It depends.""It depends on what?" she asked."It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother."
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"My grandfather is hard of hearing, he needs to read lips. I don't mind him
reading lips, but he uses those yellow high-lighters." - Brian Kiley
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Car RecognitionA man was annoyed when his wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn't gotten the license number. "What kind of car was he driving?" the husband asked."I don't know," she said. "I never can tell one car from another."At that, the man decided the time had come for a learning course, and for the next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each car they passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make.It worked.About a week later she bounded in with a pleased expression on her face. "Darling," she said. "I hit a Buick!"
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A man went on a ski trip, and was knocked unconscious by the chair lift. He called his insurance company from the hospital, but it refused to cover his injury.
"Why is the injury not covered?" he asked.
"You got hit in the head by a chair lift," the insurance rep said. "That makes you an idiot, and we consider that a pre-existing condition."