Retired Life
Sound like anybody you know?????
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the
couch.
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything
done.
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called
Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal
attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answers: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for someone who
enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the
basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of
their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answers: The never ending Coffee Break.
Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back
to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss
work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
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Thanks to Marti -- Blonde View of Football
A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first
football Game. They had great seats right behind their
team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she
liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied," especially the
cute guys with all the big muscles; but I just
couldn't understand why they were killing each other
over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and
then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming
was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
Helloooo? It's only 25 cents!"
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Thanks to Marti -- The One Dollar Bill
Take out a one dollar bill. The one dollar bill you're
looking at first came off the presses in 1957 in its
present design. This so-called paper money is in fact
a cotton and linen blend, with red and blue minute
silk fibers running through it. It is actually
material.
We've all washed it without it falling apart. A
special blend of ink is used, the contents we will
never know.
It is overprinted with symbols and then it is starched
to make it water resistant and pressed to give it that
nice crisp look.
If you look on the front of the bill, you will see the
United States Treasury Seal.
On the top you will see the scales for a balanced
budget.
In the center you have a carpenter's square, a tool
used for an even cut.
Underneath is the Key to the United States Treasury.
That's all pretty easy to figure out, but what is on
the back of that dollar bill is something we should
all know.
If you turn the bill over, you will see two circles.
Both circles, together, comprise the Great Seal of the
United States.
The First Continental Congress requested that Benjamin
Franklin and a group of men come up with a Seal.
It took them four years to accomplish this task and
another two years to get it approved.
If you look at the left-hand circle, you will see a
Pyramid.
Notice the face is lighted, and the western side is
dark. This country was just beginning. We had not
begun to explore the West or decided what we could do
for Western Civilization.
The Pyramid is uncapped, again signifying that we were
not even close to being finished.
Inside the capstone you have the all-seeing eye, an
ancient symbol for divinity.
It was Franklin's belief that one man couldn't do it
alone, but a group of men, with the help of God, could
do anything.
"IN GOD WE TRUST" is on this currency. The Latin above
the pyramid, ANNUIT COEPTIS, means, "God has favored
our undertaking."
The Latin below the pyramid, NOVUS ORDO SECLORUM,
means, "A new order has begun."
At the base of the pyramid is the Roman numeral for
1776.
If you look at the right-hand circle, and check it
carefully, you will learn that it is on every National
Cemetery in the United States.
It is also on the Parade of Flags Walkway at the
Bushnell, Florida National Cemetery, and is the
centerpiece of most heroes' monuments.
Slightly modified, it is the seal of the President of
the United States, and it is always visible whenever
he speaks, yet very few people know what the symbols
mean.
The Bald Eagle was selected as a symbol for victory
for two reasons:
First, he is not afraid of a storm; he is strong, and
he is smart enough to soar above it.
Secondly, he wears no material crown. We had just
broken from the King of England. Also, notice the
shield is unsupported. This country can now stand on
its own. At the top of that shield you have a white
bar signifying congress, a unifying factor.
We were coming together as one nation.
In the Eagle's beak you will read, "E PLURIBUS UNUM",
meaning, "one nation from many people."
Above the Eagle, you have thirteen stars, representing
the thirteen original colonies, and any clouds of
misunderstanding rolling away.
Again, we were coming together as one.
Notice what the Eagle holds in his talons. He holds an
olive branch and arrows. This country wants peace, but
we will never be afraid to fight to preserve peace.
The Eagle always wants to face the olive branch, but
in time of war, his gaze turns toward the arrows.
They say that the number 13 is an unlucky number.
This is almost a worldwide belief. You will usually
never see a room numbered 13, or any hotels or motels
with a 13th floor.
But think a bout this:
13 original colonies,
13 signers of the Declaration of Independence,
13 stripes on our flag,
13 steps on the Pyramid,
13 letters in the Latin above,
13 letters in "E Pluribus Unum,"
13 stars above the Eagle,
13 bars on that shield,
13 leaves on the olive branch,
13 fruits, and if you look closely,
13 arrows.
And, for the protection of minorities: the 13th
Amendment
I always ask people, "Why don't you know this?" Your
children don't know this, and their history teachers
don't know this.
Too many veterans have given up too much to ever let
the meaning fade.
Many veterans remember coming home to an America that
didn't care.
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School Daze
It was the first day of school, after summer vacation and time for me
to pick up the children in my school bus and take them home again.
After I had made the complete run that afternoon, one little boy
remained on the bus.
Thinking he had simply missed his stop, I started driving slowly back
through the neighborhood and asked him to be sure to let me know if
any of the houses or people
looked familiar. The boy sat in his seat contentedly and shook his
head whenever I asked him if he recognized a person or place.
After the second unsuccessful tour of the area, I started back to the
school to ask for his address. When we arrived, the child got off the
bus and started walking away.
"Wait!" I called. "We have to go inside and find out where you live."
"I live right there," he said, pointing to a house across the street.
"I just always wanted to ride in a school bus."
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"Finish Paving"
While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide.
"Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard."
"So what's the answer?" my friend asked him when we were out of earshot of the freshmen.
The guide replied, "One."
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Growing Up
"It is unfortunate that, as we grow up, nature robs us of the knowledge of what youngsters are always giggling about."
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"Conclusions and Impressions"
Little Johnny had been bringing his drawings home from kindergarten every day since he started a month ago. Each day his mother admired the pictures and hung them on the refrigerator. One thing started bothering her. Little Johnny only used black and browns for his drawings. Fearing a problem and not wanting it to get worse, she decided to take him to a child psychologist.
The psychologist delicately went to work. He gave Little Johnny a battery of psychological tests. He chatted with Little Johnny. Everything seemed perfectly normal. Every day for two weeks, the tests continued. Yet everyday, Little Johnny continued to bring home drawings in only blacks and browns.
Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem and fearful that something was terribly wrong, the child psychologist decided to give Little Johnny some paper and a box of crayons and observe what happened.
Little Johnny opened the box of crayons and said, "Oh, Boy! A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes. The only ones left in mine are black and brown!"