"Makeup Routine"
Every morning, a little girl would go in the bathroom to watch Mommy as she was putting on her makeup to go to work.
But this certain morning when Mom turned to leave the bathroom, the little girl loudly said, "Mom, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper goodbye!"
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"The Law of Parenthood"
There is the Law of Gravity - and then, there is the Law of Parenthood
- A child's behavior will improve in proportion to the distance she is away from the parent.
- Two is equal to two, except when referring to time. Two minutes of tantrum lasts 20 times as long as two minutes of quiet time.
- The choice of a preschooler's best friend corresponds directly to the distance the friend lives from your house.
- A child's enjoyment of a popular entertainment will be inversely proportionate to the parent's enjoyment.
- The chance of a surprise visit by your parents-in-law is directly proportional to the size of the mess in your home.
- A child will always eat exactly what she has loved for the past year unless it is the only food in the fridge.
- The ease with which a toddler acquires the ability to say a word increases with its likelihood to embarrass a sailor.
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Baseball umpires want salary hikes.
The response from the owners is, "Yikes!
Can't afford increased pay."
So the union does say,
"Then our recourse is calling more strikes."
~ Kirk Miller
The response from the owners is, "Yikes!
Can't afford increased pay."
So the union does say,
"Then our recourse is calling more strikes."
~ Kirk Miller
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CleanPun
Maury and his wife showed up to a very popular restaurant, but it was very crowded. Mrs. Maury went up to the hostess and asked, "Will it be long?"
The hostess appeared to ignore her and kept writing in her book. So she asked again, "How much of a wait?"
The hostess then looked up and said, "About ten minutes."
A short time later they heard an announcement over the loudspeaker, "Willete B. Long, your table is ready."
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One Liner
"Don't you hate it when people can't sphel? "
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One Liner
"I've spent most of my life golfing - the rest I've just wasted"
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One Liner
"Don't you hate it when people can't sphel? "
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CleanQuote
"A church member waiting to be asked to serve in his own church is just like the member of a family waiting to be invited to pull weeds in front of the house where he lives."
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CleanQuote
"No matter how bad it gets, I'm rich at the dollar store."