Math Symbols
While reviewing math symbols with my second-grade pupils, I drew a
greater-than (>) and a less-than (<) sign on the chalkboard and
asked, "Does anyone remember what these mean?"
A few moments passed, and then a boy confidently raised his hand.
"One means fast-forward," he exclaimed, "and the other means rewind!"
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An Atlanta lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city contributed
to a fund for his funeral. A noted surgeon was asked to donate a dollar. "Only
a dollar?" said the surgeon, "Only a dollar to bury an attorney? Here's
a $20 bill; go bury 20 more of them."
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A family had a very beautiful vase that was a family heirloom. Their little
Danny boy had been told, "It is our family treasure." One day there was a loud
crash. Little Danny boy began to wail. His mother ran into the room and
found him crying and the vase broken. She asked him, "What is wrong?"
"I broke the family treasure", he cried.
His mother picked him up and said, "Yes, but you are all right."
When Danny boy became a man he said, "I found out that day that little Vernie
was the real family treasure."
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"104 Year Best"
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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CleanQuote
"Don't limit a child to your own learning, for they were born in another time." - Rabbinical Saying
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"Obedience"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
When we put our house up for sale, I stressed emphatically that my sons make their beds each morning. I left for work before they left for school, and I wanted to be sure that the house looked presentable when the agent showed it to prospective buyers.
I was surprised and impressed that my 15-year-old son's bed was perfectly made each day. One night when I went into his room, I discovered his secret.
He was fast asleep on the floor in his sleeping bag.
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Yesterday my son came home and said, "I have good news and bad news. The
good news is I got 18 out of 20 on my driver's test."
I said, "Great! Now what's the bad news?"
He said, "They were pedestrians."
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You Know When You're From Florida When
You have FEMA's number on your speed dialer.
You have more than 300 'C' and 'D' batteries in your kitchen drawer.
Your pantry contains more than 20 cans of Spaghetti O's.
You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering
your windows.
When describing your gutted house to a prospective buyer, you say it has
three bedrooms, two baths and an open air feel to it.
Your SSN isn't a secret, it's written in Sharpie on your arms.
You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.
You are delighted to pay $3 for a gallon of regular unleaded.
The road leading to your house has been declared a No Wake Zone.
You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom of the pool.
You rationalize helping a friend board up by thinking "It'll only take a
gallon of gas to get there and back"
Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; today you can assemble
a portable generator by candlelight.
You catch a 13-pound red fish... in your house.
You consider a "vacation" to stunning Tupelo, Mississippi.
At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest
chainsaw.
You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at the
Weather Channel.
Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.
Your "drive-thru" meal consists of MRE's and bottled water.
Relocating to South Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.
You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder or a tree
worker.
A battery powered TV is considered a home entertainment center.
You don't worry about relatives wanting to visit during the summer.
Your child's first words are "hunker down."
Having a tree in your living room does not necessarily mean it's Christmas.
You go to work early and stay late just to enjoy the air conditioning.
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Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.