Friday, June 23, 2006

hUMOR For June 23rd

"Ten Minute Wait"
I called to make airline reservations and was put on hold. After several minutes of taped music, a recorded voice came on:
"If you have been waiting longer than ten minutes, you may press eight. This will not speed up your call, but it will give you something to do while you wait."
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CleanQuote
"Some ministers would make good martyrs; they are so dry they would burn well." - Charles Haddon Spurgeon
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"Customer Service"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
After booking my 80-year-old grandmother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her special needs. The representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision to the point of near blindness.
My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured me that everything would be taken care of. I thanked her profusely.
"Oh, you're welcome," she replied. I was about to hang up when she cheerfully asked, ... "And will your grandmother need a rental car?"
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A truck driver was traveling down the freeway. A sign came
up that read, "Low bridge ahead." Before he knew it, the
bridge was directly ahead of him and then he got stuck under
it. Cars were backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car arrived. The cop got out of his car
and walked around to the truck driver, put his hands on his
hips, and said, "Got stuck, huh?"

The truck driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and
ran out of gas."
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A photographer was hired to take pictures at a lawyers' convention.

When he lined up his subjects he got them to look their best by shouting,
"Okay everyone, say fees!"
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My eccentric neighbor proudly showed me what appeared to be a dog. "It's
unique," he explained, "part dog and part bull and it cost me a thousand."

"Which part is bull?" I asked.

He replied, "The part about the thousand."
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"Immigration is the big issue right now. Earlier today, the Senate voted to
build a 370-mile fence along the Mexican border. Experts say a 370-mile
fence is the perfect way to protect a border that is 1,900 miles
long." --Conan O'Brien
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50th Wedding Anniversary

At my grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary, I was looking through a
photo album of their marriage ceremony. "Grandma, so many of these
styles have come back over the years," I commented.

Grandma never hesitated. "That's why I've kept Grandpa all this
time," she said. "I know he'll be back in style again one of these days."