A student of philosophy was taking his final written exam at his university.
The assignment for the 5-hour long exam was to write an essay on the topic,
"What is courage?"
The young man sat at his desk and thought for a little while. Finally, he
scribbled something on the piece of paper in front of him, got up, and
turned in the piece of paper.
All he had written was: "This is."
++++++++++++++++++
A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry. As they went by
the Tower of London the cabby explained what it was and that construction
started in 1346 and it was completed in 1412.
The Texan replied, "Shoot, a little ol' tower like that? In Houston we'd
have that thing up in two weeks!"
The cab passed the House of Parliament next, the cabby stating that it
started construction in 1544 and was completed 1618.
"Boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!"
As they passed Westminster Abbey the cabby was silent.
"Whoa! What's that over there?" asked the Texan.
"Darned if I know, wasn't there yesterday."
++++++++++++++++++
"A good listener is usually thinking about something else." - Kin Hubbard
++++++++++++++++++
I have but one question...why are the rules all labelled 1. Don't you guys know how to count? Oh and you forgot the most important rule...
1. If men don't answer your question they aren't ignoring you - it means the answer is YES and you should have known that. Don't expect acknowledgement. Guys only answer if the answer is NO.
THE GUYS' RULES
AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN FINALLY! , THE GUYS' SIDE OF THE STORY.
(I MUST ADMIT, IT'S PRETTY GOOD)
WE ALWAYS HEAR "THE RULES"
From THE he female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.
1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT.
YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN.
WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN.
YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.
1. SUNDAY SPORTS. IT'S LIKE THE FULL MOON
OR THE CHANGING OF THE TIDES
LET IT BE.
1. SHOPPING IS NOT A SPORT.
AND NO, WE ARE NEVER GOING TO THINK OF IT THAT WAY.
1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.
1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.
LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:
SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!
1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.
1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.
1. A HEADACHE THAT LASTS FOR 17 MONTHS IS A problem. SEE A DOCTOR.
1 ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS A G O IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT.
IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.
1. IF YOU WON'T DRESS LIKE THE VICTORIA'S SECRET GIRLS, DON'T Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we s aid can be interpreted TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE .
1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING
OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE
NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.
1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.
1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE.
1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS.
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT! A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.
1. IF IT ITCHES, IT WILL BE SCRATCHED.
WE DO THAT.
1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY "NOTHING," WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG.
WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.
1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.
1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.
1. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS BASEBALL, THE SHOTGUN FORMATION,
OR G OLF.
1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.
1. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.
1. I AM IN SHAPE. Round IS A SHAPE!
1. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.
YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT;
BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING.
PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN -
TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH.
PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN
TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH