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Here is today's CleanPun.
Some of you on this list will actually enjoy these - proof once again of the need for more therapists in the world, lol.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?It's Christmas, Eve!
What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?Santa Claustrophobia!
What disasters could happen if you dropped the Christmas turkey?The downfall of Turkey, the break-up of China and the overthrow of Greece!
What's ice? Skid Stuff!
Where do snowmen go to dance?Snowballs!
How do snowmen travel around?By icicle!
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My sister has the courage--but not always the skills--to tackle any home-repair project.
For example, in her garage are pieces of a lawnmower she once tried to fix. So I wasn't surprised the day my other sister, Dianne, and I found our sister attacking her vacuum cleaner with a screwdriver.
"I can't get this thing to cooperate," she explained when she saw us.
"Why don't you drag it out to the garage and show it the lawnmower?" Dianne suggested.
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Taking advantage of a balmy day in New York, my brother and three other priests swapped their clerical garb for polos and khakis and time out on the golf course. After several really horrible shots, their caddy asked,
"You guys wouldn't be priests by any chance?" "Actually, yes, we are," one cleric replied. "Why?"
"Because," said the caddy.... "I've never seen such bad golf and such clean language!"
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How Many Feet?
I had given our daughter, who was 15 at the time, a drivers manual. On the way to town one day, I was coaching her as I drove. I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came time to get her driver's permit.
"Oh, she said, "I already know everything in the book."
"You do?" I returned.
"Yep", she said, very smugly.
I thought, "OK, I'll give her a hard one." So I asked her, "How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are driving 60 miles an hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?"
"One," she replied.
"What?" I asked. "One?!"
She repeated her answer and then because of the confused look on my face, she added, "One, Mom. You always told me never to use my left foot on the brakes, only use my right one."