Home Donations
A tired homemaker opened the front door of her home to find a young
minister from the neighborhood who said, "I'm collecting donations
for the new children's home we're building. I hope you'll give what you can."
"To be sure," said the beleaguered woman, "I'll give you two boys,
two girls, or one of each."
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Grasping Challenge"
When my daughter was about four years old, she still had a hard time grasping the concept of marriage. But anyway, I got out our wedding album, thinking visual images would help, and explained the entire service to her.
Once finished, I asked if she had any questions, and she replied, "Oh. I see. Is that when Mommy came to work for us, daddy?"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today's Oneliner
"Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CleanPun - "IRS"
As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice:
When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS".
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After her son fell into the pond yet again and came home
with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated
mother sent him to his room and washed and dried his
clothes.
A little later, she heard a commotion in the back yard and
called out, "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?"
There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine
voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the
meter."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Baseball Doctor --
As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was
responsible for returning equipment to the proper
owners at the end of the season.
When I walked into the surgery department carrying a
bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed
several patients and their families in a waiting area.
I heard one man say to his wife, "Look, honey, here
comes your anesthesiologist."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From a friend: E-Mail Spam
by: Author Unknown
I am spam.
Spam-I-am.
That Spam-I-am.
That Spam-I-am.
I do not like
That Spam-I-am.
Do you like
E-mail spam?
I do not like it,
Spam-I-am.
I do not like
your E-mail Spam.
Would you like it here
or there?
I would not like it.
here or there.
I would not like it
anywhere.
I do not like
your e-mail spam.
I do not like it
Spam-I-am.
Would you like it
if it's lewd?
Would you like it
in the nude?
I would not like it
if it's lewd.
I would not like it
in the nude.
I would not like it
here or there.
I would not like it
anywhere.
I do not like
your e-mail spam.
I do not like it
Spam-I-am.
Would you want it
at your ISP?
Would you want it
'cause it's free?
Not at my ISP.
Not even when it's free.
Not if it's lewd.
Not in the nude.
I would not like it
here or there.
I would not like it
anywhere.
I do not like
your e-mail spam.
I do not like it.
Spam-I-am.
Would you? Could you?
>From afar?
Take them! Take them!
Here they are.
I would not,
could not,
from afar.
You will like them.
You wil see.
You will like them.
You'll buy from me!
I would not, could not buy from thee.
Not from afar! You let me be.
Not at my ISP.
Not even when it's free.
Not if its lewd.
Not in the nude.
I would not like it here or there.
I would not like it anywhere.
I do not like your e-mail spam.
I do not like it Spam-I-am.
A bunch! A bunch!
A bunch! A bunch!
Could you, would you,
love a bunch?
Not in a bunch! I'll not buy from thee!
Not from afar! Spam! Let me Be!
Not at my ISP.
Not even when it's free.
Not if its lewd.
Not in the nude.
I would not like it here or there.
I would not like it anywhere.
I do not like your e-mail spam.
I do not like it Spam-I-am.
Say!
On a lark?
Here on a lark!
Would you read it on a lark?
I would not read it
on a lark?
Would you, could you
think again?
I would not, could not, think again.
Not in a bunch! I'll not buy from thee!
Not from afar! Not at my ISP.
I do not like it, Spam, you see.
Not even when it's free.
Not if its lewd.
Not in the nude.
I would not like it here or there.
I would not like it anywhere.
I do not like your e-mail spam.
I do not like it Spam-I-am.
Would you, could you,
A pyramid scheme?
I would not, could not,
a pyramid scheme!
Would you, could you,
something really obscene?
I could not, would not, something really obscene.
Will not, will not, a pyramid scheme.
I will not read it on a lark.
I will not, will not think again.
Not in a bunch! I'll not buy from thee!
Not from afar! Not at my ISP.
Not even when it's free.
Not if its lewd.
Not in the nude.
I would not like it here or there.
I would not like it anywhere.
I do not like your e-mail spam.
I do not like it Spam-I-am.
You do not like it,
so you say.
Read it! Read it!
And you may.
Read it and you may, I say.
Spam!
If you will let me be,
I will try it,
You will see.
Say!
I do detest your e-mail spam!
I do! I hate it! Spam-I-am!
I really hate you, and your floozie!
I will hunt you with an Uzi!
I do not want that something really obscene!
I do not want your pyramid scheme!
They should take you to the deck!
And once there... should stretch your neck!
You are so evil, so evil, you see!
Get thee Satan away from me!
If I could find you and your ISP,
I would piddle in your shoes and on your knee!
I find you crude!
I find you rude!
I do not like you here or there.
I would not like you anywhere.
I do not like your e-mail spam.
Death to you
Death to you
Spam-I-am.