"Jury Duty"
Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?
Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.
Judge: Can't they do without you at work?
Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it.
+++++++++++++++++++
A minister developed quite a reputation for his sermons, so much so that
everyone in the community came every service. Unfortunately, one weekend a
member had to visit Long Island for his nephew's birthday. But he didn't
want to miss the pastor's sermon. So he decided to hire a stand-in to sit in
the congregation and tape the sermon so he could listen to it when he
returned.
Other congregates saw what was going on, and they also decided to hire their
own stand-ins to tape the sermon so they could play golf or go fishing
instead of going to church. Within a few weeks time there were 500 stand-ins
sitting in the church taping the minister.
The minister got wise to this. The following Sunday he, too, hired a
stand-in that brought a tape recorder to play his prerecorded sermon to the
500 stand-in's in the congregation who dutifully recorded his words on their
machines.
Witnesses said this marked the first incidence in history of "artificial
insermonation."
+++++++++++++++++++
A member of a certain church, who previously had been attending services
regularly, stopped going. After a few weeks, the pastor decided to visit
him. It was a chilly evening. The pastor found the man at home alone,
sitting before a blazing fire. Guessing the reason for his pastor's visit,
the man welcomed him, led him to a big chair near the fireplace and waited.
The pastor made himself comfortable but said nothing. In the grave silence,
he contemplated the play of the flames around the burning logs.
After some minutes, the pastor took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a
brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth all alone.
Then he sat back in his chair, still silent. The host watched all this in
quiet fascination.
As the one lone ember's flame diminished, there was a momentary glow and
then its fire was no more. Soon it was cold and "dead as a doornail." Not a
word had been spoken since the initial greeting.
Just before the pastor was ready to leave, he picked up the cold, dead ember
and placed it back in the middle of the fire. Immediately it began to glow
once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it.
As the pastor reached the door to leave, his host said, "Thank you so much
for your visit and the fiery sermon. I'll be back in church next Sunday."
+++++++++++++++++++
Trust in God, but lock your car.