Message Puzzle
Sally was puzzled recently by the odd messages she kept getting on
her voice mail. Day after day, all she'd hear, from friends, family,
and customers alike, would be their message and then they'd ALL say, "BEEP."
We were talking about something else at the moment but I had her
check her voice mail message anyway to see if there was a clue. She
discovered the solution to the BEEP riddle when she dialed her own
phone number.
Her message said, "I'm not available right now, so please leave a
beep after the message."
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"Lost In Jail"
I was reviewing my client's case with him in prison when it was announced that visitors had 15 minutes to leave or be locked in for the three-hour prison head count. I bade my client farewell and left. But somehow, I managed to get lost on my way out. Desperate for directions to the exit, I noticed some men wearing orange jumpsuits. Mistaking them for workmen, I called out to one of them -- a no-neck, barrel-chested man.
"Sir," I said, "I need to get out of here."
He shrugged and said, "Lady, so do I."
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CleanQuote
"Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up." - Robert Frost
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"Parenting
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. "Teddy," he called, "how many more times do I have I to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilized human being."
There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room.
"That's better," said his father. "Now in the future you will always come downstairs like that."
"OK," said Teddy. "I slid down the railing."
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Our first three babies, all girls, each weighed about seven
pounds at birth. When our fourth arrived, he was much
larger.
After delivery, the medical team began testing and measuring
my new son. The last reading came from a nurse, who seemed
impressed as she read, "Weight, nine pounds, eight ounces."
My husband, a CPA in corporate finance who'd been quiet up
to this point, could contain himself no longer.
"How about that!" my husband exclaimed happily. "It's 36.5%
more baby!"
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While visiting my mother in the hospital
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Repeat after me. Put the toilet seat down and be kind to animals. Now every
single time you think of putting the toilet seat down and being kind to
animals you'll think of the Christian hUMOR List. Try this
trick on your friends and family. It's a great party game as well.
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King Arthur and the Witch:
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.
But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now....what is the moral to this story?
Scroll down
The moral is.....
If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly