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Express Checkout
It was a Saturday afternoon, and Ray had rushed down to the local
supermarket to hurriedly pick up some hamburger rolls, chips and a few
condiments. The big college game was going to be on, so he was having a few
friends over to watch it. The store was loaded with shoppers and as he
headed for the six item express lane, the only one that didn't have a long
line, a woman completely ignoring the overhead sign slipped into the
check-out line just in front of him pushing a cart piled high with
groceries. Ray was quietly fuming at the anticipated delay. But the elderly
cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked
ever so sweetly, "So Dearie, which six items would you like to buy?"
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Thanks to JB (formerly known as M/M Riverrats - trying to save on typing... lazy, ain't it???)
Always try to help a friend in need.
but remember... it's ok to be afraid sometimes.
Give lots of kisses.
Meet new people.
Take a nap if you need one..
Love your friends, no matter who they are.
Don't waste food.
RELAX.. EVEN, ON THOSE STRESSFUL DAYS!!
Try to have a little fun each day...
Share a joke with your friends and neighbors,
and fall in love with someone special...
Say "I love you" often.
Express yourself creatively.
Remember the saying, Good things happen to good people!
There is always someone who loves you more than you know.
Exercise a little each day!
Live up to your name.
Hold on to good friends; they are few and far between!
And remember, this friend is thinking about you.
Have a wonderful day!
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From a friend: TEN RULES OF HOUSEKEEPING
1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.
2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an ecological exemption.
3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone.
4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"
5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.
6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing handsewn play animals for underprivileged children.
7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."
8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..."
9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident... I haven't had the heart to clean it..."
10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere..."
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*Laws of Parenting*
1. The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake up the next morning.
2. For a child to become clean, something else must become dirty.
3. Toys multiply to fill any space available.
4. The longer it takes you to make a meal, the less your child will like it.
5. Yours is always the only child who doesn't behave.
6. If the shoe fits...it's expensive.
7. The surest way to get something done is to tell a child not to do it.
8. The gooier the food, the more likely it is to end up on the carpet.
9. Backing the car out fo the driveway causes your child to have to go to the bathroom.
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It was a Saturday afternoon, and Ray had rushed down to the local supermarket to hurriedly pick up some hamburger rolls, chips and a few condiments. The big college game was going to be on, so he was having a few friends over to watch it.
The store was loaded with shoppers and as he headed for the six item express lane, the only one that didn't have a long line, a woman completely ignoring the overhead sign slipped into the check-out line just in front of him pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Ray was quietly fuming at the anticipated delay. But the elderly cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked ever so sweetly, "So Dearie, which six items would you like to buy?"
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Rabbi Bloom caught two of his rabbinical students gambling and drinking on Sabbath.
Next day, Rabbi Bloom called them into his office and asked them what was going on.
They immediately confessed to having given in to weakness and agreed that they deserved some form of punishment for their sin.
Rabbi Bloom thought a lot about this and then came up with the answer. He bought two bags of dried peas from the delicatessen and told them, "Put these in your shoes and walk on them for a week to remind yourselves how hard life can be when you turn away from God."
A few days later, the two students met each other in the street. One had a pronounced limp and had dark circles under his eyes. He looked very tired and weary. On the other hand, the other was the same as he had been before.
"Hey," said the first. "How is it that you are walking so easily? Why didn't you do as the Rabbi asked and put the peas in your shoes?"
"I did," said the other. "But I boiled them first."
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Mother's Patience
Little Johnny had just been put to bed for the umpteenth time and his
mother's patience was wearing thin. "If I hear you call 'Mother' one more
time, you will be punished," she warned him sternly.
For a while it was quiet, and then she heart a small voice call from the top of the stairs, "Mrs. Jones? Can I have a drink of water?"