CopyrightReverend Wright writes rite – do you copy?
When you write copy, you own the right of copyright to the copy you write, if the copy is right. If, however, your copy falls over, you must right your copy. If you write religious services, you write rite, and own the right of copyright to the rite you write.Conservatives write Right copy, and own the right of copyright, to the Right copy they write. A right-wing cleric would write Right rite, and owns the right of copyright to the Right rite he has the right to write. His editor has the job of making the Right rite copy right before the copyright can be right.Should Reverend Jim Wright decide to write Right rite, then Wright would write Right rite, to which Wright has the right of copyright. Duplicating his rite would be to copy Wright's Right rite, and violate copyright, to which Wright would have the right to right. Right?
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My ForgetterIs your rememberer broke?
My forgetter's getting better,But my rememberer is brokeTo you that may seem funnyBut, to me, that is no joe-k...For when I'm 'here' I'm wonderingIf I really should be 'there'And, when I try to think it through,I haven't got a prayer!Oft times I walk into a room,Say “what am I here for?”I wrack my brain, but all in vain!A zero, is my score.At times I put something awayWhere it is safe, but, Gee!The person it is safest fromIs, generally, me!When shopping I may see someone,Say “Hi” and have a chat,Then, when the person walks awayI ask myself, “who was that?”Yes, my forgetter's getting betterWhile my rememberer is broke,And it's driving me plumb crazyAnd that isn't any joke.Can you relate?Please send this to everyone you know because I DON'T REMEMBER WHO I SENT THIS TO!
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Indian WifeHorsing around with a repetitive pony in the Wild West
An old Indian was asked the name of his wife.He replied, “Wife Name - Three Horse.”“That's an unusual name for your wife, Three Horse. What does it mean?”“It's an old Indian name. Means Nag, Nag, Nag.”
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Going Nowhere in IrelandWhen A to B isn't the same as B to A...'Train-ing' for a long Irish ride
A drunken Irishman gets on a train and asks the conductor how long the trip is between Limerick and Cork. “About two hours,” says the conductor.“Okay,” says the drunkard, “then how long is the trip between Cork and Limerick?”The irate conductor says to the drunk, “It's still about two hours, laddie. Why'd ya think there'd be a difference?”“Well,” says the drunk, “it's only a week between Christmas and New Year's, but it's a helluva long time between New Year's and Christmas!”
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How Hot Is It?It's so hot in Gatineau, Quebec that...
The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground. The potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper. Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs. The cows are giving evaporated milk. The trees are whistling for the dogs. You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water. You can say 100 degrees without fainting. You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off. You can make instant sun tea. You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron. The temperature drops below 90, you feel a bit chilly. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl. You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face. You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!! You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car. You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window. You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.Hot water now comes out of both taps. You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
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"Mouse Repellant"
A couple moved to the country when they retired. One mild winter, they had a bit of a problem with rodents in the garage. So they bought one of those little sub-sonic mouse repellant, the kind you plug in and they emit some kind of sound that drives off mice. The husband was showing it to their neighbor and explaining that it was an animal repellant. He told her that it worked on every thing from mice to elephants.
"Really!?" she said, "Mice to elephants, eh." sounding a bit skeptical.
"Yes," he replied, seriously. "We've had it here for a couple of weeks now and we haven't had a single elephant in the garage the whole time!"
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The Idiot
One evening I was driving my eight-year-old daughter to her grandparents' home for an overnight stay.
It was late, there was very little traffic, and we were enjoying a peaceful ride.
It was a far cry from the usual chaos surrounding us when I drive her to various activities during rush hour.
My daughter seemed deep in thought when she said, "I have a question."
"What do you want to know?" I responded.
"Mom, when you're driving," she asked, "are YOU ever the idiot?"
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”8-Iron”
One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing.
Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He maintains his positive attitude and grabs his 8-iron proceeding down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. He trudges diligently through the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton which has obviously been lying near an old golf ball for a number of years.
Ben excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: "Hey Thomas, come here, I got big trouble down here."
Thomas comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: "What's the matter Ben?"
Ben shouts back in a nervous voice: "Better throw me my 7-iron! Something tells me I won't be getting out of here with an 8-iron."
Here is today's PearlyGates item - ”Dentist Extras”
The Millers were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Miller made it clear he was in a big hurry.
"No expensive extras, Doctor," he ordered. "No gas or needles or any of that fancy stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."
"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"
Mr. Miller turned to his wife...
"Show him your tooth, Honey."
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What Don't You have?An elderly man went to the doctor for a visit. "Doc," he says, "I am so stricken. I have chest pains, headaches, back pains, nausea, arthritis, constipation, stomach cramps, ear-aches, burning in the eyes, congested lungs.....""Sir," says the doctor, "you complain you have so many things ... what DON'T you have?"The man answers, "Teeth."
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"Disney announced that they're banning smoking from all their
movies. Which means they won't be buying the scripts I wrote.
I wrote a script for Disney called 'Smoke-ahontas'. And
another one, the follow-up, 'Cigarella.'" -Craig Ferguson
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"More bad news today for John McCain. John McCain's media
team has resigned. But McCain says he intends to stay in the
race, according to the campaign's new media spokesman, John
McCain." -Jay Leno
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"Happy birthday to the governor of California Arnold Schwarz-
enegger. Sixty years old today. And to celebrate, natives on
Skull Island tossed him a blonde." -Dave Letterman
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During my senior year at university, the wife of one of my
professors gave birth to twins. Now the father of four pre-
schoolers, my professor looked more and more haggard as the
days went by, and his forgetfulness increased.
One day, several weeks after the birth, he arrived in class
late and announced he had some bad news. He couldn't find
the midterm papers we had written weeks before.
"But, sir," said a student, "you gave those midterms back
last class."
"I did?" Our weary professor replied. "Well, how did you do
on them?"