Thanks to JLH: Double DIPPIN' {the true meaning}
Sent: The day after her husband disappeared in a
kayaking accident, an Anchorage woman answered her
door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mrs. Wilkens, but we have some
information about your husband," said one trooper.
"Tell me! Did you find him?" Mrs. Wilkens cried.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have
some bad news, some good news, and some really great
news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, an ashen Mrs. Wilkens said, "Give
me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, ma'am, but
this morning we found your husband's body in Kachemak
Bay."
"Oh!" exclaimed Mrs. Wilkens. Swallowing hard, she
asked, "What's the good news?"
The trooper continued. "When we pulled him up he had 2
twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness
crabs on him."
Stunned, Mrs. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good
news, what's the great news?"
The trooper said, "We're going to pull him up again
tomorrow."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From my Bro.-in-law -- CEG: Church Bulletin Bloopers
They're Back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church
ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually
appeared in church bulletins or were announced in
church services: The Fasting & Prayer Conference
includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday
at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us
kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance
to get rid of those things not worth keeping around
the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been
canceled due to a conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say
"Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way
again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message after
which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship ! that
began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the
church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will
be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir
practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
addition of several new members and to the
deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other
items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple
children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with
the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and
medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of
every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday
afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in
the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket an! d
come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10
AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship
Hall after the B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
congregation would lend him their electric girdles for
the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7
PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's
Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7PM. The
congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at
the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new
tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My
Pledge--Up Yours"