*Grandpa And The Computer*
The computer swallowed GrandpaYes honestly, its true.He pressed 'control' and 'enter'And disappeared from view.
It's devoured him completelyThe thought just makes me squirm.Maybe he's caught a virusOr been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle binAnd files of every kind.I've even used the internetBut nothing could I find.
I asked Jeeves in desperationMy searches to refine.The reply from him was negativeNot a thing was found online.
So, if someday in your 'InBox'My Grandpa you should see.Please 'Scan', 'Copy' and 'Paste' himIn an e-mail back to me.
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A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. She said, "If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?"
"Somebody else's pants," said the little boy.
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Joe said: Did you hear about Jerry Falwell's accident?
Phil: No, what happened?
Joe: He was out walking his pet duck and a motorboat ran over him.
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An old lady went to church and heard a young minister preach. When she got out, somebody asked her what she thought of his preaching.
She said, "He spoke in true apostolic style. He took a text and went everywhere preaching the gospel."
(Sen. Sam J. Ervin, Jr. Morganton, North Carolina).
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A priest went home with a family of new converts to Catholicism for dinner. He was received cordially by all but the small daughter in the family, who stared at him unblinkingly throughout the meal. The priest, somewhat uncomfortable, tried to to put the little girl at ease.
"Is it my collar you are staring at?" he asked, taking it off and holding it up. When he did so he saw the cleaning instructions on the inside of the collar, and to make conversation, he asked, "Do you know what it says here?"
"Yes," responded the little girl. "It says, 'Kills fleas for six months."
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A young preacher was invited into a church to preach a "trial sermon", with the understanding that he might be hired as the full-time preacher. He liked the looks of the church, and he liked the people.
Everything was fine at the beginning of the service, with the hymns and the prayer. As the young preacher mounted the pulpit, however, an old man came in, followed by a huge Redbone hound. He sat down on the front row, and his dog plopped down beside him. The young preacher thought this was unusual, but he read his text and launched his sermon, at which point the hound let out a huge yawn with a yip at the end. This interrupted the preacher, but he began again. The dog began to scratch a flea, his leg whacking the floor with each lick, and the preacher stopped again and asked if someone would take the dog outside. Neither the old man nor anyone else moved, so the preacher started in again. The dog let out a growl and a deep bark, disturbed at something he heard outside. Again the preacher stopped and again asked if someone would take the dog outside. When no one responded, he got down from the pulpit, took the dog by the collar, led him outside, and closed the door behind him.
Returning to the pulpit, he preached a pretty good sermon. After the service he asked the elders how he had done.
"Well," one of them said, "You preached a right good sermon. I believe you're all right there, but you really shouldn't have taken Old Man Johnson's dog out.
I know the dog disturbed you, but you know, Mr.
Johnson is a faithful member of this church and a very good giver. He always brings his dog to church. He loves that dog, and we're used to it, and it don't bother us to have him here. I think you ought to apologize to Mr. Johnson for throwing his dog out like that. I believe you better do that."
So the young preacher approached the old man outside and said, "I'm sorry I put your dog out. The elders told me how much you think of your dog and how you always bring him to church. I'm real sorry I did that, and I hope you'll accept my apology."
"Oh, that's all right," the old man said. "I wouldn't have wanted my dog to hear that sermon anyhow..."
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