Shoe Store
I was waiting on some customers at the shoe store where I work when I
was interrupted by a very determined woman. Pointing to a sneaker
made by Reebok, she asked, "Do you have this in a Nike?"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The coed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave
me some terrible financial advice!" she cried.
"I did? What did I tell you?" asked the dad.
"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that
big bank is in trouble."
"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks
in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some mistake."
"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of
my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds.'"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Hearing Request"
During a January revival an evangelist asked the people in line what they needed.
One man's request was for his hearing. The evangelist spit on his finger, put it in the man's ear, prayed for him and asked him, "How's your hearing now?"
He said, "I don't know - it's next Tuesday."
(Thanks to list member Roger Barcus who passed this along after it actually happened in his wife's sister's church!)
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Today's Oneliner
"I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Fish Tank"
Two fish are in a tank.
One says to the other, "I'll man the guns, you drive."
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Thanks to Li Mo -- Fender Skirts? What the heck is a
fender skirt?
I came across this phrase in a book yesterday "FENDER
SKIRTS". A term I haven't heard in a long time and
thinking about "fender skirts"started me thinking
about other words that quietly disappear from our
language with hardly a notice.
Like "curb feelers" and "steering knobs." Since I'd
been thinking of cars, my mind naturally went that
direction first. Any kids will probably have to find
some elderly person over 50 to explain some of these
terms to you.
Remember "Continental kits?" They were rear bumper
extenders and spare tire covers that were supposed to
make any car as cool as a Lincoln Continental.
When did we quit calling them "emergency brakes?" At
some point "parking brake" became the proper term. But
I miss the hint of drama that went with "emergency
brake."
I'm sad, too, that almost all the old folks are gone
who would call the accelerator the "foot feed".
Didn't you ever wait at the street for your daddy to
come home, so you could ride the "running board" up to
the house?
Here's a phrase I heard all the time in my youth but
never anymore - "store-bought." Of course, just about
everything is store-bought these days. But once it was
bragging material to have a store-bought dress or a
store-bought bag of candy.
"Coast to coast" is a phrase that once held all sorts
of excitement and now means almost nothing. Now we
take the term "world wide" for granted. This floors
me.
On a smaller scale, "wall-to-wall" was once a magical
term in our homes. In the '50s, everyone covered his
or her hardwood floors with, wow, wall-to-wall
carpeting! Today, everyone replaces their wall-to-wall
carpeting with hardwood floors. Go figure.
When's the last time you heard the quaint phrase in a
family way?" It's hard to imagine that the word
"pregnant" was once considered a little too graphic, a
little too clinical for use in polite company. So we
had all that talk about stork visits and "being in a
family way" or simply "expecting."
Apparently "brassiere" is a word no longer in usage. I
said it the other day and my daughter cracked up. I
guess it's just "bra" now "Unmentionables" probably
wouldn't be understood at all.
I always loved going to the "picture show," but I
considered "movie" an affectation.
Most of these words go back to the '50s, but here's a
pure-'60s word I came across the other day "rat fink."
Ooh, what a nasty put-down!
Here's a word I miss - "percolator." That was just a
fun word to say. And what was it replaced with?
"Coffee maker." How dull. Mr. Coffee, I blame you for
this.
I miss those made-up marketing words that were meant
to sound so modern and now sound so retro. Words
like "DynaFlow" and "Electrolux." Introducing the
1963 Admiral TV, now with "SpectraVision!"
Food for thought - Was there a telethon that wiped out
lumbago? Nobody complains of that anymore. Maybe
that's what castor oil cured, because I never hear
mothers threatening kids with castor oil anymore!
Some words aren't gone, but are definitely on the
endangered list. The one that grieves me most
"supper." Now everybody says "dinner." Save a great
word. Invite someone to supper. Discuss fender
skirts.
Someone forwarded this to me. I thought some of us of
a "certain age" would remember most of these.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as
stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes
really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day,
right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to
the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive
smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife
lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is
wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He
asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to
prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she
wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket.
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint
can and it said . . . .
You'll love this . .
Yep . . I know you will . .
"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.
The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."
The new man asked, "What happened?"
"One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"