Stranded on a Desert Island
A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small
desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean noticed a
bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it.
Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with
shaking hands withdrew the message.
"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have
found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."
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Leaving a plush night club one evening, a miserly gentleman walked past the
doorman without tipping him.
Never the less, the doorman helped the man into a taxi with a flourish and
said pleasantly, "By the way, in case you happen to lose your wallet on the
way home, sir, just remember that you didn't pull it out here."
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Grandma Jones had never experienced a sick day in her life, so she didn't
take it kindly when a bad case of the "mulligrubs" sent her to the hospital
for observation.
By the time a pair of husky interns got Grandma tucked into bed, she had
managed to complain about everything: the temperature, the lights, the
skimpy gown, the food and especially, the mattress. Suddenly, Grandma
spotted a small plastic item with a button, attached to a cord. "What's
that?" she demanded.
"If you need anything in the middle of the night, Grandma," said one of the
interns, "just press that button."
"What does it do, ring a bell?" she asked.
"No, it turns on a light in the hall for the nurse on duty," the intern
replied.
"A light in the hall?" responded Grandma. "Look, I'm the sick one around
here. If the night nurse needs a light on in the hall, she can get up and
switch it on herself."
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"We can put television in its proper light by supposing that Gutenberg's
great invention had been directed at printing only comic books." - Robert M.
Hutchins
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"Employment History"
To pass the time while our plane was being de-iced, the flight attendants played a trivia game with the passengers. They asked us to guess the total number of years the three of them had worked for the airlines.
After an attendant collected our estimates, we heard the announcement: "The correct answer is 26 years. For the two people who came closest with 28 years, we have prizes. And for the passenger in seat 12F who guessed 85 years, would you please step off the plane once we are airborne."
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CleanQuote
"The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."
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"Hospital Waiting" Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside. "Your son is here," she said to the old man.
She had to repeat the words several times before the patient's eyes opened. Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man's limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement. The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed. All through the night, the young Marine sat there in the poorly lighted ward, holding the old man's hand and offering him words of love and strength.
Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile. He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital - the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients. Now and then, she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.
Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited. Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.
"Who was that man?" he asked.
The nurse was startled, "He was your father," she answered.
"No, he wasn't," the Marine replied. "I never saw him before in my life."
"Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?"
"I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn't here. When I realized that he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed."
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Logic, Math & Reasoning Quotes
A formal manipulator in mathematics often experiences the discomforting feeling that his pencil surpasses him in intelligence. – Howard EvesA man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars. That’s subtraction. – Mae WestA mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. – Paul ErdosA mind all logic is like a knife all blade. – Rabindranath TagoreA witty statesman said you might prove anything by figures. – Thomas CarlyleAs far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. – Albert EinsteinA statistician can have his head in the oven and his feet in ice, and on average he feels fine. – AnonymousAfter every storm the sun will smile; for every problem there is a solution, and the soul’s indefeasible duty is to be of good cheer. – William R. AlgerAll exact science is dominated by the idea of approximation. – Bertrand RussellAll great theorems were discovered after midnight. – Adrian MathesisAll human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsions, habit, reason, passion and desire. – AristotleAlthough I am not stupid, the mathematical side of my brain is like dumb notes upon a damaged piano. – Margot AsquithAn expert problem solver must be endowed with two incompatible qualities: a restless imagination and a patient pertinacity. – Howard EvesAnger is never without reason, but seldom with a good one. – Benjamin FranklinAs for everything else, so for a mathematical theory: beauty can be perceived but not explained. – Arthur CayleyDefendit numerus: There is safety in numbers. - AnonymousDescartes commanded the future from his study more than Napoleon from the throne. – Oliver HolmesErrors using inadequate data are much less than those using no data at all. – Charles BabbageEverything that is beautiful and noble is the product of reason and calculation. – Charles BaudelaireExpert: a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a very narrow field. – Niels BohrFamiliar things happen, and mankind does not bother about them. It requires a very unusual mind to undertake the analysis of the obvious. – Alfred WhiteheadFaith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe. – AnonymousFor every problem, there is one solution which is simple, neat, and wrong. – Henry MenckenFor the things of this world cannot be made known without a knowledge of mathematics. – Roger BaconFrom a drop of water a logician could infer the possibility of an Atlantic or a Niagara without having seen or heard of one or the other. – Sir Arthur Conan DoyleGod does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates empirically. – Albert EinsteinGod is like a skilful Geometrician. – Sir Thomas BrowneHe who cannot describe the problem will never find the solution to that problem. - ConfuciusHow quick come the reasons for approving what we like. – Jane AustenI admit that mathematical science is a good thing. But excessive devotion to it is a bad thing. – Aldous HuxleyI advise my students to listen carefully the moment they decide to take no more mathematics courses. They might be able to hear the sound of closing doors. – James CaballeroI am ill at these numbers. – William ShakespeareI am quite sure now that often in matters concerning religion and politics, a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkeys. – Mark Twain‘I can’t’ isn’t a reason to give up, it’s a reason to try hard. – AnonymousI had a feeling once about mathematics – that I saw it all… but it was after dinner and I let it go. – Winston ChurchillI have hardly ever known a mathematician who was capable of reasoning. - PlatoI have the proof, but there isn’t room to write it in the margin. – AnonymousI know that two and two make four – and should be glad to prove it too if I could – though I must say if by any sort of process I could convert two and two into five it would give me greater pleasure. – Lord ByronI know what you’re thinking about, but it isn’t so, no how. Contrarywise, if it was so, it might be, and if it were so, it would be. But as it isn’t, it ain’t. That’s logic. – Lewis CarrollI must study politics and war that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. – John AdamsI never thought that others would take my theories so much more seriously than I did. – Albert EinsteinI prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly. – Michel de MontaigneI tell them that if they will occupy themselves with the study of mathematics they will find it the best remedy against the lusts of the flesh. – Thomas MannI think I think, therefore I think I am. – Ambrose BierceI think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged. – Roger JonesIf a man’s wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics. – Francis BaconIf I feel unhappy, I do mathematics to become happy. If I am happy, I do mathematics to keep happy. – Alfred RenyiIf it’s green, it’s biology. If it stinks, it’s chemistry. If it has numbers, it’s math. If it doesn’t work, it’s technology. – AnonymousIf you ask mathematicians what they do, you always get the same answer. They think. – M. EgrafovImpossible only means that you haven’t found the solution yet. – (www.Possibells.com - where 'All Things Are Possibell')In my experience most mathematicians are intellectually lazy. – Francis CrickIf the world were a logical place, men would ride sidesaddle. – Rita Mae BrownIn mathematics you don’t understand things. You just get used to them. – René DescartesInsanity is often the logic of an accurate mind overtaxed. – Oliver W. HolmesIt has been said that figures rule the world. Maybe. But I am sure that figures tell us whether it is being ruled well or badly. – Johann Wolfgang von GoetheIt is a capital mistake to theorise before one has data. – Sir Arthur Conan DoyleIt is mathematical fact that the casting of this pebble from my hand alters the center of gravity of the universe. – Thomas CarlyleIt is not certain that everything is uncertain. – Blaise PascalIt is not good enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well. – René DescartesIt is with books as with men: a very small number play a great part, the rest are lost in the multitude. – VoltaireIt would be better for the true physics if there were no mathematicians on earth. – Daniel BernoulliLet us grant that the pursuit of mathematics is a divine madness of the human spirit. – Alfred WhiteheadLike dreams, statistics are a form of wish fulfillment. – Jean Baudrillard Like the crest of a peacock, so is mathematics at the head of all knowledge. – Indian ProverbLogic is a poor guide compared with custom. – Winston ChurchillLogic is a large drawer, containing some useful instruments, and many more that are superfluous. A wise man will look into it for two purposes: to avail himself of those instruments that are really useful; and to admire the ingenuity with which those that are not so are assorted and arranged. – Charles ColtonLogic is like the sword – those who appeal to it shall perish by it. – Edward GibbonLogic is neither science nor an art, but a dodge. – Benjamin JowettLogic is one thing and common sense another. – Elbert HubbardLogic is the anatomy of thought. – Albert EinsteinLogic is the art of going wrong with confidence. – Joseph KrutchLogic is the hygiene the mathematician practices to keep his ideas healthy and strong. – Hermann WeylLogic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. – Lord DunsanyLogic takes care of itself; all we have to do is to look and see how it does it. – Ludwig WittgensteinLogic is the technique by which we add conviction to truth. – Jean de la BruyereLogic: the art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. – Ambrose BierceLogic works, metaphysics contemplates. – Joseph JoubertMan discovers truth by reason only, not by faith. – TolstoyMany are destined to reason wrongly; others, not to reason at all, and others to persecute those who reason. - VoltaireMath is like love – a simple idea but it can get complicated. – R. DrabekMathematical genius and artistic genius touch one another. – Gosta Mittag-LefflerMathematical rigor is like clothing: in its style it ought to suit the occasion, and it diminishes comfort and restrains freedom of movement if it is neither too loose or too tight. – G.F. SimmonsMathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. – Johann Wolfgang von GoetheMathematics consists of proving the most obvious thing in the least obvious way. – George PolyaMathematics has beauties of its own. – J.W.A. YoungMathematics knows no races or geographic boundaries. – David HilbertMathematics is a game played according to certain simple rules with meaningless marks on paper. – David HilbertMathematics if like checkers in being suitable for the young, not too difficult, amusing, and without peril to the state. – PlatoMathematics is distinguished from all other sciences except only ethics, in standing in no need of ethics. – Charles PeirceMathematics is indeed dangerous in that it absorbs students to such a degree that it dulls their senses to everything else. – Prinz zu Hohlenlohe-Ingelfingen KraftMathematics is not a careful march down a well-cleared highway, but a journey into a strange wilderness where the explorers often get lost. – W.S. AnglinMathematics is the cheapest science. All one needs for mathematics is a pencil and a paper. – George PolyaMathematics is the science which uses easy words for hard ideas. – James Roy NewmanMathematics may be compared to a mill of exquisite workmanship, which grinds your stuff to any degree of fineness. – Thomas HuxleyMathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know what we are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true. – René DescartesMathematics would certainly have not come into existence if one had known from the beginning that there was in nature no exactly straight line, no actual circle, no absolute magnitude. – Friedrich NietzscheMeasure what is measurable, and make measurable what is not so. - Galileo GalileiMen are apt to mistake the strength of their feeling for the strength of their argument. The heated mind resents the chill touch and relentless scrutiny of logic. – William GladstoneMost of our so-called reasoning consists in finding arguments for going on believing as we already do. – James Harvey RobinsonNo, no, you’re not thinking; you’re just being logical. – Niels BohrNothing has afforded me so convincing a proof of the unity of the Deity as these purely mental conceptions of numerical and mathematical science. – Mary SomervilleNumbers have neither substance, nor meaning, nor qualities. They are nothing but marks. – Hermann WeylNot everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. – Albert EinsteinNumber theorists are like lotus-eaters – having once tasted of this food they can never give it up. – Leopold Kronecker‘Obvious’ is the most dangerous word in mathematics. – Eric T. BellOften statistics are used as a drunken man uses lamp posts… for support rather than illumination. – Andrew LangOld mathematicians never die, they just lose their functions. – AnonymousOld statisticians never die, they are just broken down by age and sex. – AnonymousOn earth there is nothing great but man; in man there is nothing great but mind. – Sir William HamiltonOnce people begin to reason, all is lost. – VoltaireOne of the big misapprehensions about mathematics that we perpetrate in our classrooms is that the teacher always seem to know the answer to any problem that is discussed. – Leon HenkinOne of the endearing things about mathematicians is the extent to which they will go to avoid doing any real work. – Matthew PordageOrder is Heaven’s first law. – Alexander PopePerhaps the most surprising thing about mathematics is that it is so surprising. – E.C. TitchmarshPerfect numbers, like perfect men, are very rare. – René DescartesPhysicists know what’s important but they don’t know what is true. Mathematicians know what’s true but they don’t know what is important. – AnonymousProof if the idol before whom the pure mathematician tortures himself. – Sir Arthur EddingtonPure logic is the ruin of the spirit. – Antoine de Saint-ExupéryPure mathematics, may it never be of any use to anyone. – Henry SmithReason can wrestle and overthrow terror. – EuripidesScience is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is not more a science than a heap of stones is a house. – Jules PoincaréSeek simplicity and distrust it. – Alfred WhiteheadSince the mathematicians have invaded the theory of relativity, I do not understand it myself any more. – Albert EinsteinSix is a number perfect in itself, and not because God created the world in six days; rather the contrary is true. God created the world in six days because this number is perfect, and it would remain perfect, even if the work of the six days did not exist. – St. AugustineSmall minds are concerned with the extraordinary, great minds with the ordinary. – Blaise PascalStand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life there is no such thing as algebra. – Fran LebowitzStatistician: A man who believes figures don’t lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won’t stand up either. – Evan EsarStatistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital. – Aaron LevensteinStatistics are no substitute for judgement. – Henry ClayStatistics have shown that mortality increases perceptibly in the military during wartime. – Alphonse AllaisStatistics: the mathematical theory of ignorance. – Morris KlineStatistics: the only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions. – Evan EsarThat logic has advanced in this sure course, even from the earliest times, is apparent from the fact that, since Aristotle, it has been unable to advance a step, and thus to all appearance has reached its completion. – Immanuel KantThe advantage is that mathematics is a field in which one’s blunders tend to show very clearly and can be corrected or erased with a stroke of the pencil. – Norbert WienerThe age of chivalry is gone. That of sophisters, economists and calculators has succeeded. – Edmund BurkeThe best defense against logic is ignorance. – Blaise PascalThe circumstances of human society are too complicated to be submitted to the rigor of mathematical calculation. – Marquis de CustineThe concept of number is the obvious distinction between the beast and man. – Joseph de MaistreThe control of large numbers is possible, and like unto that of small numbers, if we subdivide them. – Sun TzeThe fact is there are few more popular subjects than mathematics. Most people have some appreciation of mathematics, just as most people can enjoy a pleasant tune. – Godfrey HardyThe fact that logic cannot satisfy us awakens an almost insatiable hunger for the irrational. – A.N. WilsonThe formulation of a problem is often more essential than its solution, which may be merely a matter of mathematical or experimental skill. – Albert EinsteinThe laws of probability – so true in general, so fallacious in particular. – Edward GibbonThe mathematical sciences particularly exhibit order, symmetry, and limitation; and these are the greatest forms of the beautiful. – AristotleThe mathematician is entirely free, within the limits of the imagination, to construct what worlds he pleases. – J.W.N. SullivanThe mathematician may be compared to a designer of garments, who is utterly oblivious of all the creatures who his garments may fit. - DantzigThe mathematician’s patterns, like the painter’s or the poet’s, must be beautiful – there is no permanent place in this world for ugly mathematics. – Godfrey HardyThe mind has its own logic but does not often let others in on it. – Bernard DevotoThe more one analyzes people, the more all reasons for analysis disappear. Sooner or later one comes to that dreadful universal thing called human nature. – Oscar WildeThe most painful thing about mathematics is how far away you are from being able to use it after you have learned it. – James NewmanThe real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers. – Sydney HarrisThe solution of every problem is another problem. – Johann Wolfgang von GoetheThe supreme function of reason is to show man that some things are beyond reason. – Blaise PascalThe trouble with facts is that there are so many of them. – Samuel CrothersThe true triumph of reason is that it enables us to get along with those who do not possess it. - VoltaireThe whole is more than the sum of its parts. – AristotleThe will of man is by his reason swayed. – Izaak WaltonThe words ‘figure’ and ‘fictitious’ both derive from the same Latin root, ‘fingere.’ Beware! – M.J. MoroneyThere are no deep theorems – only theorems that we have not understood very well. – Nicholas GoodmanThere are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics. – Benjamin DisraeliThere are three kinds of mathematicians: those who can count and those who can’t. – AnonymousThere’s no problem so big or complicated that it can’t be run away from. - AnonymousThough this be madness, yet there is method in’t. – William ShakespeareTime heals what reason cannot. - SenecaTo the wise, life is a problem; to the fool, a solution. – Marcus AureliusToday, it is not only that our kings do not know mathematics, but our philosophers do not know mathematics and – to go further – our mathematicians do not know mathematics. – J. Robert OppenheimerViewed from the summit of reason, all life looks like a malignant disease and the world like a madhouse. – Johann Wolfgang von GoetheWe all have enough strength to follow our reason. – François de la RochefoucauldWe arrive at the truth, not by reason only, but also by the heart. – Blaise PascalWe used to think that if we knew one, we knew two, because one and one are two. We are finding that we must learn a great deal more about ‘and.’ – Sir Arthur EddingtonWhatever you can, count. – Sir Francis BaconWhen angry, count four; when very angry, swear. – Mark TwainWhen I am violently beset with temptations, or cannot rid myself of evil thoughts, I resolve to do some arithmetic, or geometry… which necessarily engages all my thoughts, and unavoidably keeps them from wandering. – Jonathon EdwardsWhen intuition and logic agree, you are always right. – Blaise PascalWhere so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear that I may be wrong? – Jules Henri PoincaréYou always admire what you really do not understand. – Blaise PascalYou can only find truth with logic if you have found truth without it. – G.K. ChestertonYou cannot reason with a hungry belly; it has no ears. – Greek Proverb
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