Compliments to the Chef
I have a reputation for not being a fantastic cook. One evening I
worked particularly hard on a new recipe and, once again, it didn't
turn out as well as I'd hoped.
My son, always sweet and conscious of my feelings, chose his words
carefully after the meal. "Mom," he said, "that dinner was so good I
thought someone else made it."
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"Knowing the Numbers"
The teacher asked one of her young students if he knew his numbers.
"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."
"Good. What comes after three."
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"
"A jack," says the little boy.
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Oneliner
"The only thing that wakes you up faster than coffee is spilled coffee."
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"Clinic Change"
The Mayo Clinic, getting on board with today's diet and health conscious society, just changed its name.
It's now the Balsamic Vinaigrette Clinic.
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A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whisky. When the
bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is
everybody?"
The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."
"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"
"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.
"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.
"Well," said the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat,
brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers, and brown paper
shoes."
"How bizarre," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him
for?"
"Rustling," said the bartender.
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Doctors are used to getting calls at any hour. One night a man phoned his doctor, waking him up. "I'm really sorry to bother you so late," he said, "but I think my wife has appendicitis."
Still half asleep, the doctor reminded him that he had removed his wife's inflamed appendix a couple of years before. "Whoever heard of a second appendix?" the doctor asked.
"You may not have heard of a second appendix, doc," the man replied, "but surely you've heard of a second wife."