Timmy was a little five year old boy whose Mom loved him very much, and being a worrier, she was concerned about him walking to school when he started Kindergarten. She walked him to school the first couple of days, and at the end of the week, he came home from school and told his mother that he did not want her walking him to school everyday. He wanted to be like the "big boys" he protested loudly.
So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her. Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.
The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he knew. She did this for the whole week.
As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week.
Finally he said to Timmy, "Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?"
Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, I know who she is."
The friend said, "Well, who is she?"
"That's just Shirley Goodnest" Timmy replied, "and her daughter Marcy."
"Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us?"
"Well", Timmy explained, "every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much.
And in the psalm, it says 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life,' so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!"
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
In 1997, Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch
In 1997, Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch (M-LAW) began a contest to
expose how frivolous lawsuits, and a concern about potential
frivolous lawsuits, have led to a new cultural phenomenon:
the wacky warning label.
You have probably heard about the lawsuit over a spilled cup of
coffee. However, there are many other silly lawsuits involving
products that have received far less attention. For example,
did you know a man received $50,000 when he sued a small company
that makes basketball nets because he claimed the company was
responsible when he caught his teeth in a net while dunking a
ball? People who make products hear about these outrageous
lawsuits, and they often decide to slap common sense warnings on
their product... “just in case.”
Over the years, M-LAW has received hundreds of warning labels
from people around the world. M-LAW verifies the authenticity
of each label and selects the “Top 5” for each year.
Following is a list of some of the best labels from the first
five contests:
A warning on an electric router made for carpenters cautions:
“This product not intended for use as a dental drill.”
A warning label found on a baby stroller cautions the user to
“Remove child before folding”
A prescription of sleeping pills says,
“Warning: May cause drowsiness
A sticker on a toilet at a public facility in Ann Arbor,
Michigan actually warns:
“Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking.”
A massage chair warns: "DO NOT use massage chair without
clothing... and, Never force any body part into the backrest
area while the rollers are moving."
A snowblower warns: "Do not use snowthrower on roof.²"
A dishwasher carries this warning: "Do not allow children to
play in the dishwasher."
A CD player carries this unusual warning: “Do not use the
Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult.”
An “Aim-n-Flame” fireplace lighter cautions,
“Do not use near fire, flame or sparks”
A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use
“while sleeping or unconscious”
A container of underarm deodorant says,
“Caution: Do not spray in eyes”
A cartridge for a laser printer warns, “Do not eat toner”
A household iron warns users:
“Never iron clothes while they are being worn”
A label with a hair dryer reads,
“Never use hair dryer while sleeping”
A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns:
“Not intended for highway use”
A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard
warns, “Do not drive with sunshield in place”
A Bathroom Heater says:
“This product is not to be used in bathrooms”
A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users:
“May irritate eyes”
A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists
says: “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not
cover.”
A popular manufactured fireplace log warns:
“Caution - Risk of Fire”
A box of birthday cake candles says: “DO NOT use soft wax as ear
plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a
body cavity.
expose how frivolous lawsuits, and a concern about potential
frivolous lawsuits, have led to a new cultural phenomenon:
the wacky warning label.
You have probably heard about the lawsuit over a spilled cup of
coffee. However, there are many other silly lawsuits involving
products that have received far less attention. For example,
did you know a man received $50,000 when he sued a small company
that makes basketball nets because he claimed the company was
responsible when he caught his teeth in a net while dunking a
ball? People who make products hear about these outrageous
lawsuits, and they often decide to slap common sense warnings on
their product... “just in case.”
Over the years, M-LAW has received hundreds of warning labels
from people around the world. M-LAW verifies the authenticity
of each label and selects the “Top 5” for each year.
Following is a list of some of the best labels from the first
five contests:
A warning on an electric router made for carpenters cautions:
“This product not intended for use as a dental drill.”
A warning label found on a baby stroller cautions the user to
“Remove child before folding”
A prescription of sleeping pills says,
“Warning: May cause drowsiness
A sticker on a toilet at a public facility in Ann Arbor,
Michigan actually warns:
“Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking.”
A massage chair warns: "DO NOT use massage chair without
clothing... and, Never force any body part into the backrest
area while the rollers are moving."
A snowblower warns: "Do not use snowthrower on roof.²"
A dishwasher carries this warning: "Do not allow children to
play in the dishwasher."
A CD player carries this unusual warning: “Do not use the
Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult.”
An “Aim-n-Flame” fireplace lighter cautions,
“Do not use near fire, flame or sparks”
A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use
“while sleeping or unconscious”
A container of underarm deodorant says,
“Caution: Do not spray in eyes”
A cartridge for a laser printer warns, “Do not eat toner”
A household iron warns users:
“Never iron clothes while they are being worn”
A label with a hair dryer reads,
“Never use hair dryer while sleeping”
A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns:
“Not intended for highway use”
A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard
warns, “Do not drive with sunshield in place”
A Bathroom Heater says:
“This product is not to be used in bathrooms”
A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users:
“May irritate eyes”
A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists
says: “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not
cover.”
A popular manufactured fireplace log warns:
“Caution - Risk of Fire”
A box of birthday cake candles says: “DO NOT use soft wax as ear
plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a
body cavity.
Daddy's Gonna Eat Your Fingers
Daddy's Gonna Eat Your Fingers
This one is for all who:
a) have kids
b) had kids
c) was a kid
d) know a kid!
As I was packing for my business trip, my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Daddy, look at this,"
and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.
When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
I said, "What's wrong, honey?"
She replied, "What happened to my booger?"
This one is for all who:
a) have kids
b) had kids
c) was a kid
d) know a kid!
As I was packing for my business trip, my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Daddy, look at this,"
and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.
When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
I said, "What's wrong, honey?"
She replied, "What happened to my booger?"
Potent...
Potent...
An old man was telling his grandson the secret to a long, happy, fruitful life. "The secret," he said, "is to sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal each morning."
The grandson thought this was odd, but still he did it every morning. And the old timer was right. When the young boy died, he left behind 13 children, 23 grandchildren, 34 great-grandchildren and a fifteen-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium!
An old man was telling his grandson the secret to a long, happy, fruitful life. "The secret," he said, "is to sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal each morning."
The grandson thought this was odd, but still he did it every morning. And the old timer was right. When the young boy died, he left behind 13 children, 23 grandchildren, 34 great-grandchildren and a fifteen-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium!
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