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Ignored Phone
The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary. She ignored the telephone when it rang.
"You must answer the telephone," he told her irritably.
"All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly. Nine times out of ten, it's for you!"
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Subject: 15 Things to do in Wal
Mart while waiting for your spouse:
1. Get 24 packages of Men's socks and randomly put
them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of oramge juice on the floor leading
to the restrooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an
official tone,' Code 3' in housewares......and see
what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's
on lay away.
6. Move a ' CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell
other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring
pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to
cry and ask,"Why can't you people just leave me
alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a
mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask
the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna
look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse
through, say "PICK ME!" PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker,
assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's
those voices again!!!!"
And last but not least
15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a
while and then yell loudly, "There is no toilet paper
in here!"
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Wash the Cat
Here's a great way to clean the kitty.
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet
water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him
to the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet
and close the lid.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides
a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be
quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and
ensure that there are no people between the toilet and
the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can and
quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet
and run outside, where he will dry himself.
Sincerely, The Dog