When Abraham Lincoln was running for Congress in the middle 1840s, he ran
against a Hellfire and Brimstone Methodist preacher who
campaigned against Lincoln, calling him a heretic because he was not a
regular churchgoer. One Sunday, Lincoln came to the church where the
preacher was giving a sermon and sat down in the back. The preacher spotted
Lincoln and thought to himself, "Now, I've got him."
He spoke to the congregation and said, "I want everyone who thinks they're
going to Heaven to stand."
Everyone stood except Lincoln.
Then the Preacher spoke again and said, "I want everyone who thinks they're
going to Hell to stand."
Again, Lincoln remained seated.
The Preacher thought to himself that he had Lincoln for sure now and said
"Well, Mr. Lincoln, just where do you think YOU'RE going?"
Lincoln stood, put his hat on, and turned to leave. Over his shoulder, he
said, "Well, I expect I'm going to Congress."
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While I was touring with an international repertory theater, we performed in
a small village church in Scotland. We began our program to a packed house
with several short, humorous plays.
After the first was over, our leader looked concerned because no one had
laughed. By the end of the third play, still with no response from the
audience, he said "They must hate us. They're not even smiling. We must have
picked the wrong show. We're going to cut the program short."
At the reception in the church following the performance, we were puzzled by
the pleasure everyone seemed to have derived from our efforts. I understood
the seeming contradiction when I overheard a kilt-clad elderly gentleman say
to his friends "Och aye. They wir so funny it was all I could do not tae
laugh in the church."
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Trust in God, but lock your car.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to Marti --
Getting older has its drawbacks, but I guess there
aren't too many good alternatives to getting older.
Whenever you see a gathering of seniors, it is an even
bet they are talking about everything that is wrong
with them.
You know, the usual, memory, urinary problems, knees,
eyesight, etc., etc.
Well, I am a senior and I absolutely refuse to discuss
these issues with everyone else. If I have a problem,
I find a solution. It is not always the solution that
I like, but I handle it the best way I know and I
don't discuss it with every person I see on the street
that is past 62. No sir....
With this in mind, I bought myself a new scooter. I
wanted something that was easy on gas and could zip me
to the store and about town. This seems to meet my
EVERY need. I love it!
Senior Citizens Are Valuable
We are more valuable than any of the younger
generations:
We have silver in our hair.
We have gold in our teeth.
We have stones in our kidneys.
We have lead in our feet and ....
We are loaded with natural gas.
******************************************************
From a Friend -- The Spiders
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden.
He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent
his little girl was.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.
He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two
spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she
asked.
"That's a Daddy Long Legs." her Father answered.
"So, the other one is Mommy Long Legs?" the little
girl asked.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Long
Legs."
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her
foot and stomped them flat and said, "Well, it might
be OK in California or Massachusetts, but we're not
having any of that here in Texas."
******************************************************
Thanks to LBS:
Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and
purifier of silver."
This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and
they wondered what this statement meant about the
character and nature of God.
One of the women offered to find out the process of
refining silver and get back to the group at their
next Bible Study.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an
appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention
anything about the reason for her interest beyond her
curiosity about the process of refining silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of
silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained
that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver
in the middle of the fire where the flames were
hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot
spot; then she thought again about the verse that
says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver."
She ask Ed the silversmith if it was true that he had
to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the
silver was being refined.
The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit
there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes
on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If
the silver was left a ! moment too long in the flames,
it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the
silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully
refined?"
He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy --
when I see my image in it"
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire,
remember that God has his eye on you and will keep
watching you until He sees His image in you.
Pass this on right now. This very moment, someone
needs to know that God is watching over them.
And, whatever they're going through, they'll be a
better person in the end.
"Life is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but
you can only spend it once."
******************************************************
And the Last Laugh today goes to my good friend, the
old guy, BR -- The Three Little Pigs
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The
waiter came and took their drink order.
"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.
"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of rootbeer," said the
third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their
orders for dinner.
"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.
"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of rootbeer," said the
third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the
waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies
would like any dessert.
"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.
"I want a milkshake," said the second piggy.
"I want rootbeer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed
the third little piggy.
"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third
little piggy," but why have you only ordered rootbeer
all evening?"
You're gonna LOVE me for this....
The third piggy says - "Well, somebody has to go 'Wee,
wee, wee, all the way home!