I was going shopping to buy a gift for my wife and asked her for her sizes.
"If it is clothes it's small' "If it's diamonds, I wear large"
+++++++++++++++++++
My neighbor, a primary school teacher, asked one of her pupils, an adopted
child, how he felt about his mother's pregnancy.
"Wonderful," the student replied, "this is her first baby from scratch."
+++++++++++++++++++
Ray Nagin, the mayor of New Orleans, was asked his views on Roe vs. Wade. He
said he didn't care how people got back to their houses.
+++++++++++++++++++
Hang on to any of the new State of Alabama quarters. If you
have them, they may be worth much more than 25 cents.
The U.S. Treasury announced today that it is recalling all
of the Alabama quarters that are part of its program
featuring quarters from each state.
"We are recalling all the new Alabama quarters that were
recently issued," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford
said Monday. "This action is being taken after numerous
reports that the new quarters will not work in parking
meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other
coin-operated devices."
The quarters were issued in the order in which the various
states joined the U.S. and have been a tremendous success
among coin collectors worldwide.
"The problem lies in the unique design of the Alabama
quarter, which was created by an Auburn University
graduate," Shackleford said. "Apparently, the duct tape
holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming
the coin-operated devices."
+++++++++++++++++++
A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted,
while St. Peter is leafing through this Big Book to
see if the guy is worthy of entering. Saint Peter goes
through the book several times, furrows his brow, and
says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did
anything really good in your life but, you never did
anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell
me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life,
you're in."
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there
was this one time when I was driving down the highway
and I saw a giant group of KKK Biker Gang Rapists assaulting
this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was
going on, and sure enough, there they were, about 50
of them torturing this girl. Infuriated, I got out
of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and
walked straight up to the leader of the gang, a huge
guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running
from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader,
the KKK Biker Gang Rapists formed a circle around me.
So, I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed
him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned
around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor,
innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged
animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in
pain!'"
St. Peter, impressed, says "Really? When did this happen?"
"Oh, about two minutes ago."