Babysitting"
We encouraged our 18-year-old daughter to find a job to help pay for her college education.
One day she came home with five applications, and later that evening we read them.
Under "Previous Employment," she listed "Baby-sitting."
And under "Reason for Leaving" she wrote, "They came home."
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PARAMEDIC LAWYER
Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their
respective ambulance team's response times.
"Since we installed our new satellite navigation system,"
bragged the first one, "we cut our emergency response time
by ten percent."
The other paramedics nodded in approval. "Not bad," the
second paramedic commented. "But by using a computer model
of traffic patterns, we've cut our average response time by
20 percent."
Again, the other team members gave their congratulations,
until the third paramedic said, "That's nothing! Since our
ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our
emergency response time in half!"
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Thanks to WS: Question...
Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
Somebody told him to "Get a long little doggy."
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Thanks to Matthew & Amy -- A little late... sorry...
Valentines Day
Note to the guys:
I just love to do special things for my wife on
Valentine's day. Like open the door for her when she
puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug
and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room
cleaning. Guys, it's these little thoughtful things
you can do to have a marriage such as mine.
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I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and
one requirement was a demanding 12-mile march. We got
started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.
An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we
wondered if the end would ever come. "Men," our
sergeant yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've
already covered four miles!"
Revitalized, we picked up the pace. "And," continued
Sarge, "we should reach the starting point any minute
now."
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From fran -- BIBLE
A father was approached by his small son who told him
proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father
smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what
the Bible means? The little boy replied, "I really
do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "So tell me son, what does
the Bible mean?
"Thats easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic Instructions
Before Leaving Earth.'"
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Thanks to CT: Churches in New Orleans
One of the local television stations in South
Louisiana actually aired an interview with a woman
from New Orleans.
The interviewer was a woman from a Boston affiliate,
so she asked the interviewee how such total and
complete devastation of the churches in the area had
affected their lives.
The woman replied," I don't know about all those other
people, but we haven't gone to Church's in years. We
gets our chicken from Popeye's."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Two blonde carpenters...
Two blondes with hammers, Sue and Tracey, were doing some carpentry work on a house.
Sue, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a
nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Tracey, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those
nails away?"
Sue explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head
on the wrong end; and I throw them away."
Tracey got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective!
They're for the other side of the house!"