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The Not-So-Dumb Blonde
I came in to work early the other day and began hanging upside down from
the ceiling. Just then one of my co-workers (she's blonde ... it'll be
important later) came in and asked me what I'm doing.
"Shh," I said, " I'm a light bulb -- I'm acting crazy to get a few days
off, as there is an out of town wedding I need to go to until Tuesday."
A minute later the boss walked by and asked me what I was doing.
"I'm a light bulb!" I exclaimed.
"You're going crazy," he said. "Take a few days off, and come back when you
are less stressed."
With that, I jumped down and started walking out. My co-worker started
following me and the boss asked where she was going.
"I can't work in the dark," she said.
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My friend, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to the office in the front of the store (near the cash registers), when the shoplifter broke from his grip and tried to run.
After a scuffle, my friend pinned him against the wall and looked up to see a number of surprised customers staring at him.
"Everything's fine, Folks," he reassured them. "This guy just tried to go through the express line with more than ten items."
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Common, Everyday Fibs
* The check is in the mail.
* I'll start my diet tomorrow.
* We service what we sell.
* Give me your number and the doctor will call you right back.
* Money cheerfully refunded.
* One size fits all.
* This offer limited to the first 100 people who call in.
* Your luggage isn't lost, it's only misplaced.
* Leave your resume and we'll keep it on file.
* This hurts me more than it hurts you.
* I just need five minutes of your time.
* Your table will be ready in a few minutes.
* Open wide, it won't hurt a bit.
* Let's have lunch sometime.
* It's not the money, it's the principle.
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A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination.
On the paper there was a single line which simply said:
"'Is this a question?' - Discuss."
After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then
this is an answer."
The student received an "A" on the exam.
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Here is today's CleanPun.
(BTW, Saturday's Park Pun was written by Stan Kegel.)
A Chinese scholar was lecturing when all the lights in the auditorium went out.
He asked members of the audience to raise their hands. As soon as they had all complied, the lights went on again.
He then said, "Prove wisdom of Old Chinese saying: "Many hands make light work."
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Like It Was 50 Years Ago ... Author UnknownA little house with two bedrooms and one car on the street,A mower that you had to push, to make the grass look neat.In the kitchen on the wall, we only had one phone,And no need for recording things; someone was always home.We only had a living room, where we could congregate,Unless it was at mealtime, in the kitchen where we ate.We had no need for family rooms or extra rooms to dine,When meeting as a family those two rooms would work out fine.We only had one TV set and channels; maybe two,But always there was one of them, with something worth the view.For snacks we had potato chips that tasted like a chip,And if you wanted flavor, you made Lipton's onion dip.Weekends were for family trips, or staying home to play,We all did things together, even go to church to pray.When we did our weekend trips, depending on the weather,No one stayed at home because we liked to be together.Sometimes we would separate, to do things on our own,But we knew where the others were, without our own cell phone.Then there were the movies with your favorite movie star,And nothing can compare to watching, movies in your car.Then there were the picnics, at there peak of summer season,Pack a lunch and find some trees; and never need a reason.Get a baseball game together, with the friends you know,Have real action playing ball; and no game video.Remember when the doctor used to be the family friend,And didn't need insurance, or a lawyer to defendThe way that he took care of you, or what he had to do,Because he took and oath, and strived to do the best for you.Remember going to the store; and shopping casually,And when you went to pay for it, you used your own money?Nothing that you had to swipe or, punch in some amount,Remember when the cashier person had to really count?Remember when we breathed the air, it smelled so fresh and clean,And chemicals were not used on the grass, to keep it green.The milkman and the bread man used to go from door to door,And it was just a few cents more than going to the store.There was a time when mailed letters, came right to your door,Without a lot of junk mail ads, sent out by every store.The mailman knew each house by name and knew where it was sent,There was not loads of mail addressed to: 'Present Occupant.'There was a time when just one glance, was all that it would take,And you would know the kind of car, the model and the make.They didn't look like turtles, trying to squeeze every mile,They were streamlined, white walls and fins; and really had some style.One time the music that you played, whenever you would jive,Was from a vinyl, big holed record called a forty-five.The record player had a post, to keep them all in line,And then the records would drop down and play one at a time.Oh, sure we had our problems then; just like we do today,And always we were striving; trying for a better way.And every year that passed us by brought new and greater things,We can now even program phones, with music or with rings.Oh, the simple life we lived still seems like so much fun,How can you explain a game; just kick the can and run.And why would boys put baseball cards, between bicycle spokes?And for a nickel, red machines had little bottled cokes.This life seemed so much easier; and slower in some ways,I love the new technology but I sure miss those days.So time moves on and so do we; and nothing stays the same,But I sure like to reminisce, and walk down memory lane.
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