"Movie Night"
My wife was complaining that I spend too much time on the computer, and not enough time with her. I decided to fix that by having a `movie night` with her.
We watched `Hackers`, `The Net`, `Anti-Trust`, `You've Got Mail` and The Matrix. She's still mad at me.
What did I do?
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Today's Oneliner
The colder the X-ray table the more of you has to be on it.
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CleanPun - "On-board Computer"
A friend of mine bought a new car that sported an on-board computer. One Sunday morning when he got into the car to drive to church, the digital display lit up. Glancing at the readout, he chuckled at the announcement:
"Time for service."
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Benefit Options
Employees are counseled by our benefits department in their choice of
the various options regarding the benefits available to them
(medical, dental, vision coverage, life insurance, etc.). I had just
spent 20 minutes explaining life insurance options to one of our new
employees. After reviewing the different plans and monthly
deductions, he decided on $100,000 worth of life insurance. But he
had one last question. "Now," he said, "what do I have to do to
collect the money?"
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Rev. W. O. Taylor, 91, was the oldest man attending the
Southern Baptist Convention a few years ago. At the annual
free breakfast for retirees, Brother Taylor rose and recited
his own alliterative version of the parable of the prodigal
son, which he entitled "The Final Fixing of the Foolish
Fugitive":
"Feeling footloose, fancy-free, and frisky, this
feather-brained fellow finagled his fond father into forking
over his fortune. Forthwith, he fled for foreign fields and
frittered his farthings feasting fabulously with
fair-weather friends. Finally, facing famine, and fleeced by
his fellows in folly, he found himself a feed flinger in a
filthy farmlot. He fain would have filled his frame with
foraged food from the fodder fragments.
"'Fooey! My father's flunkies fare far fancier,' the
frazzled fugitive fumed feverishly, frankly facing fact.
"Frustrated from failure and filled with forebodings, he
fled for his family.
"Falling at his father's feet, he floundered forlornly.
'Father, I have flunked and fruitlessly forfeited further
family favors. . .'
"But the faithful father, forestalling further flinching,
frantically flagged his flunkies to fetch forth the finest
fatling and fix a feast.
"But the fugitive's fault-finding frater, faithfully farming
his father's fields for free, frowned at this fickle
forgiveness of former falderal. His fury flashed, but
fussing was futile.
"His foresighted father figured, 'Such filial fidelity is
fine, but what forbids fervent festivities? The fugitive is
found! Unfurl the flags! With fanfare flaring, let fun,
frolic, and frivolity flow freely, former failures forgotten
and folly forsaken. Forgiveness forms a firm foundation for
future fortitude.'"